Sagitta’s hues glanced at the massive Citadel and she could feel a bit of hesitation. Then she shook her head and gave Cole a warm smile. “So, Marick first, and then we can get that marriage annulled.”
The Mirialan looked better and slightly felt better. Every inch of her wanted to turn around and fight Cole against this idea but she didn’t want to complicate things. If she wanted Cole to get better, she needed to get better too.
Kriffin’ nine suns, this sucked.
“He said he’ll be at the library. Which, honestly, doesn’t surprise me.” Sagitta grinned at Cole as she was back to her upbeat personality. When they entered the library, she was checking the rows and spotted the familiar grey-haired Hapan sitting down and sure enough, reading a book.
“Good afternoon, Marick!” Sagitta made her way over to his table and sat down across from him, “How are you?”
“Passing fair,” he replied without looking up. He finished the page he was on. He set it down and then rose smoothly, the motion like quicksilver rolling from a jar.
His hands folded behind his back. While he maintained a fairly grayscale attire and appearance, his eerily blue eyes stood out, bright and alert.
When he looked Sagitta up and down, it was not in the way most men or women did. There was no admiration or leer, but simply a mechanical efficiency.
Injuries healed. Range of motion normal. He looked past the Mirilan.
“Farrow,” he greeted calmly.
Cole nodded in return, “Tyris.”
He was glad Sagitta was following through with this whole thing, though it was a bit last minute.
The Human was dressed in his usual get up, a plain button up and black slacks. He was stood at and just a step behind Sagitta’s shoulder, present but not intended to take point. He was here as support more than anything else after all.
Marick nodded and did a similar assessment of Cole. His eyes shifted back, noticing the two postures and how…protective Cole seemed to be. He’d known the boys file, background, and clouded history, and had observed him from afar. So he could see the subtle differences in where he distributed his weight, not tense, but ready to run or fight should he be needed to.
He blinked once, pairing that real time information with what he already knew. “So, before we get started, let me state up front that even as an Arconae, I have no ability to annul marriages my wife has - consensually or otherwise- anointed within the Dajorra system.
This was, without needing to read the former Shadow Lord, Combat Master, and spymaster, clearly something he’d been asked before, and had simply learned to go along with (among his wife’s many other habits).
Sagitta glanced over to the two men when they called each other by their last names. Marick spoke up and mentioned not having the ability to annul marriages, Sagitta let out a small squeak as she could feel her face was getting hot.
She brought her hands to her face and buried it. Her ear tips were also warm so she assumed they were red too. “Oh, my stars.” Sagitta groaned softly as she rubbed her face a few times. Who else knew about this!? Did it go to everyone in the galaxy!? She cleared her throat in her best to ignore the blood that rested on her cheeks, “A-ah yea. I know. We were going to see,” Her head turned towards Cole, “R-ruka, right? That’s his name?” Once he confirmed it was, she continued.
“Ruka or an assistant after this…” She cleared her throat and did not want to meet Marick’s eyes.
So the Mirialan started to look elsewhere. She saw a female, her pointy ears had twitched a few times. Normally, Sagitta wouldn’t mind but that book was upside down. Was… she being nosy? Kriff. She started to bite down on her cheek and her jaw tightened. She wasn’t comfortable being here knowing what she wanted to talk to Marick about so she sure as nine kriffin’ suns wasn’t comfortable with the idea of an audience.
“Ah… is there… somewhere more private we can go to?” Sagitta’s hues went back to Marick.
Marick followed Sagitta’s eyeline, blinked once, then exhaled slowly and patiently. “I’m not sure Ruka has that power, either. When she was Shadow Lady, she was very adamant about allowing a clause in Dajorran system common law, and no one…stopped her. In hindsight, we erred.”
He blinked once more. “Speaking of. Atyiru, you can stop pretending you’re not here.”
His eyes shifted back to Sagitta. “My partner not withstanding, I’ve had the library cleared of our assigned guards, so you should feel comfortable talking here.”
He gestured at a reading table with a few plush chairs spread around it.
Down the way, pointed ears twitched, and the woman in question stood up from her cozy little end insert bench, a fierce pout on her lips. The braid that had covered her face was flipped back over the back of her head, revealing…a blindfold…over speckled sepia cheeks that turned pink as they puffed out. Her ears folded down, and there was no other way to describe her approach except stomping as she came over and flopped over the table, arms out straight still holding her purloined book.
Her feet, which were bare, kicked.
“That’s not faaaair,” her musical voice whined. “I was being sneakyful! The sneakiest! I used your tricks!” This was directed to her spymaster husband, the actual sneakiest. “I even got a prop like Wynnie says!”
She waved the book up and down in emphasis. And then. Paused.
Her whole frame drooped, melting more into the tabletop, her face planting on the wood as she grumbled into its surface.
“It'supsidedownisn'tit?”
Cole had heard rumours and seen images of Marick’s wife before. Hearing her talk similar.. ish to a child was disconcerting in comparison to the spymaster himself. It was like a holo vid character from one of the Ghibli ones but real. Still, it was more the fact that she was there that was concerning over all else. The knack she had for knowing things she shouldn’t had preceded Atriyu. Cole was far from a fan of people knowing things that were otherwise held close to his chest.
“Mrs Tyris.” He greeted as usual however, answering a beat after, “Yes it was.”
With that handled, the Human moved to sit down in one of the chairs. “We didn’t come to you directly for the annulment, as convienent as it may have been.” Icy eyes glanced to Sagitta, making it clear this was a more personal matter in concerns to her. He knew Marick would pick up on the motion.
Sagitta’s jaw dropped when Marick seemed to know the female that might be spying on them and called her Atyiru.
Marick confirmed that the library is cleared, save for Atyiru as she flinched and started to withdraw. Even Marick, who had met her once so far, would notice that she wasn’t her usual bubbly and talkative self.
The female started to stomp her way toward the table. Sagitta was startled and laughed out loud, a genuine and soft one when the female asked if the book was upside down. With a few more laughs, she switched over to giggles as she tried to contain herself. Cole confirmed to her that the book was, indeed, upside down.
Then the Mirialan realized something.
Horror hit her as she covered her mouth. the woman was BLIND. How could she be so stupid? Of course, the book would be upside down! “Oh kriff, I’m so sorry, that was so insensitive of me.”
“Ooo!” Seemingly forgetting her despair in seconds flat, Atyiru sat up and clapped her hands together, placing them at an angle as if to pillow her cheek delicately, her features crinkling into a concerned, matronly expression. She seemed to radiate it, a comfort and a calm, as though walking into a warm bath, or a kitchen with fresh cookies, if only one would just take an offered chewie bit of goodness. It was an offered hug, given presence, very much there but not yet pushing, not yet suffocating. “Missus Tyris! I so rarely hear that one. Aren’t they adorable, Marry? Well hullo to you too, Mr. Farrow Douve Armis! And I know you’re not here for the annulment, sillypickles. We both know you know that. Don’t worry though. I won’t go,” she wiggled her fingers now, with accompanying wooshy and squelching noises, “digging in anywhere you don’t want me to. I’m here to help! And listen! And!”
Now she swiveled on her tabletop seat, standing up and then hopping down, nearly eye-no eye level with Sagitta, and reached up to boop her nose.
“And there’s no need for that, dearie! My own fault for not feeling the cover or print at least, biscuits! So simple! Anyhoozzles. No need to apologize. And furthermore, forever now and always after,” she smiled, softly, and her tone held nothing but love, “you need never apologize to me, Sofila. It’s alright. Everything will be alright.”
Cole felt the sensation and immediately, instinctively more than anything, pushed it away. He was fine without the Force encroaching on him.
The fact she knew he wasn’t keen on her going through his mind felt mildly ironic considering there was no way she could have done that without doing that.
Still, Sagitta-
Oh Atyriu knew her birth name. Right. It was on the marriage certificate. He glanced between her and Atty, trying to gauge her reaction.
Marick blinked. Sofila. One part of the mystery solved, at least. If he was at all offput but Atyiru’s explanations, it was in no way visible. He wasn’t smiling, but there was a hint of ease in his entire body just standing next to her, it seemed.
Sagitta started to feel more comfortable and right at home. Her shoulders dropped as she relaxed. She giggled when she called Cole, Mr. Farrow Douve Armis. Now that was something she had never heard of in her life. Her grin got bigger when her nose was booped. Sagitta returned the boop as her nose gently pressed against Atyriu’s.
‘you never need to apologize to me, Sofila.’
“Aw! Still! It was sooooooo silly of me to -” She stopped. Her stomach felt sick and her brows were confused. What.. what was going on. She quickly got up from her chair and stumbled back. “Whatever is happening, stop. Please.” She knew she wouldn’t feel so comfortable and good, especially at hearing her real name. And everything that had been going on. Everything that she had been holding onto.
And the darkness stirs.
Sofila. Something she hasn’t heard in over a decade.
Atyiru’s smile didn’t fall, but it did dim slightly. She made a comforting gesture, shushing.
“There, there, litlun,” the Miraluka soothed, and to the Mirialan and Human both, the sensation of that ethereal embrace faded away. “All gone, see? Well, I hope you do, because I certainly do not! Teehee. Such troubled waters. And so very much you’re running from, do you even know what exactly it is anymore? Oh, dear.” She hummed, and moved back to take one of the other chairs, the one beside Marick, all but floating gracefully down into it, unlike her previous tantrum. Her fingers reached out to brush his, the lines of light all up and down her visible arms and legs humming with a faint golden glow. He head cocked, ears twitching. “You’ve come all this way. Are you going to run from it today, too? Or face it? You had something rather to ask us, did you not?”
Marick gestured at the empty seats for Sagitta. “Atyiru is the most gifted healer in Arcona, let alone the Brotherhood. That said,” he shifted to Farrow. “Cole…can you give me your assessment of everything post this…Immortal Sith.”
He did not make air quotes. Marick did not ever do air quotes. But his stoic face seemed to show doubt and annoyance at the term immortal.
Beside him, Atyiru mimed quotes with her fingers around the words, and furrowed one brow.
“Wink,” she said.
“I read the report posted by the Envoys. I know everything that was included there.” He responded simply, appreciating the check in considering he was likely the one who would be out of the loop. Thankfully, Cole did keep up with the goings on in the Brotherhood.
Marick gently squeezed Aryiru’s hand. Without any subterfuge.
He nodded once to Cole, then shifted back towards Sagitta. “Why don’t you tell us what you experienced.”
Sagitta’s brow furrowed. She was so confused.
She wanted to get her energy back. Who she was. To join in on Atty. Let them have shenanigans together. By the stars, she would love every second of it. Atty radiant perfection for that.
But she didn’t feel good. Nausea. She started to feel a bit chilly as her arms crossed. Sagitta watched Marick gesture and all of them were sitting down. Her hues glanced at the chair.
Wouldn’t it be easier just to… leave?
Dive into the dark side?
It was just so tempting to-
Her jaw tightens at Marick’s question. “I -ah. I don’t want to bother anyone with this.” She hissed through gritted teeth as she started to feel aggravated and frustrated. Scimitar was right. She was weak. Kriff. After all those years of ignoring the Force and even minimizing the use of the Force, this kriffin happened.
She cleared her throat. She knows Cole wouldn’t let her go with this. She was so ashamed of being the one that needed help. Her mouth opened but she closed and couldn’t say anything. It almost felt like she was being ganged up for using some stimulant. Her heart started pounding and the nausea was getting worse.
‘Run’
Her body flinched.
Cole placed a hand on her upper arm, a soft frown creasing his brow.
Marick didn’t flinch or seem to draw back. He simply say there and listened. “You are not bothering any of us,” he spoke softly, his voice low and calm, but without the typical tone one used when trying to assuage a wild animal or talk someone off a ledge. He was just talking normally.
“Healing has many forms. Just like with the Dowsing techniques, your mind is just as in need as your physical body. And do you remember what I said to you when we were leaving that prison?”
Sagitta became still when Cole touched her arm. It helped somewhat and made her feel safe.
For a moment.
Yet, the hairs on her arms stood and she felt like she was being backed into a corner. Her eyes shifted down to her feet.
‘They can’t help me.’
Her throat was tight as she started to place her hands between her legs and started to rub them roughly. “I-ah. Yea I do.”
The stupid it’s okay to not be okay. Who the kriff came up with that?
Anger slowly rose as she scoffed, “Fine. You want to know?”
She started to scratch her inner arm.
“As we speak, I so desperately want to run and get out. I want to erase everything good and kind that I am and burn it all away. What I experienced? I got a taste of Lord Scimitar’s amazing powers.” She didn’t realize she called him Lord instead of Darth.
“My stars. The potential of it. I want to drink more of it. I need more.”
Cole shifted his grip to her lower arm, pulling her hand away from her arm gently. He was tense. His grip had tightened slightly.
There wasn’t anything he could do about this. He noticed the wording. He considered his words carefully, expression carefully metered despite the worry. Despite slight fear that maybe she was still possessed. Maybe they’d missed something.
“At what cost?” His voice was low but it was more than audible.
And more than anything, he worried for if she did decide to go on another mission to take this sith down. What if she fell to temptation? Would they have to kill her? Either way she’d.. be lost in some way or another.
“Cole,” Atty admonished, the sudden sharpness in her tone aiming to hush him, as if he’d said something extremely out of line. She turned her face back towards Sagitta, once again seemingly just looking at her, through her, before she spoke again. “Why don’t I tell you a story of my own, dear heart? So we are not such strangers anymore.”
Sagitta shuddered and frowned when he took her hand away. What was she doing? Anger was growing until-
Oh. She was scratching again.
Sagitta’s hues glanced over to him as she flinched at his words.
‘Everything’ it whispered.
‘My own’
“Cole-“ her voice was soft as she looked away. She couldn’t even look at him in his eyes.
Sagitta’s hand grasped Cole’s tightly as if almost begging him to not let her drown. She felt like she was drowning and was going to claw to breathe.
A moment of sanity.
Sagitta - who completely forgot Atyiru is blind - nodded at her.
The Miraluka seemed to sense the gesture, nodding right back nonetheless. She mirrored the younger couple, her hand curling not with Marick’s fingers but the edge of his robes, like once she might have his cloak.
“Once upon a time,” Atyiru began, and her voice shifted, became something else. Breathy and ringing, solid and flowing, deep like the earth and light as air. It was her storytelling voice, and she wove it well. “As you know, Princess Sagitta, all stories so must start, true in your heart of hearts.”
She smiled. The library was hushed, not only with the sanctity of its purpose, but the graven silence of its emptiness, housing only the quartet and billions and billions of others, souls and lifetimes tied into pages, words, records. Though she spoke lowly, just for them, still her tone seemed to fill the chambers.
- “Once upon a time, was a girl. She was honest, brave, and true. She was, if we are not pretending, of a somewhat just like you. And this girl, whose name you know, who laughed, and loved, and played, this girl did run and sing and dance through all her days. She wanted to know everything, to make friends with every star. She fell in love with a pirate queen, and on her ship sailed far. All was glitter and glory, and no pain couldn’t be bared. Just smile! And so she was just like this: nothing would break her, and nothing could dim her shine. This was her truth, as it was your truth, as it was mine.
And then one day this girl did a greatness meet, one that swept her off her feet, and took her heart, and ate it slow, and savored every bite. And what was left, of that girl, but to shiver in the night? To scratch, and claw, and jitter in her skin? To snap and scream and want to die, each breath a horrid din? To want, to want, to want and still not have enough?”
The Miraluka leaned forward in her chair, releasing her partner and placing her palms flat on the table. The lines on her arms glowed all the brighter.
“How far do you think she fell, that girl? Do you think her story ends? In tragedy, in darkness? Or anew begin? Would you see, as she saw, all she had to lose? And if you made a choice like her, what then would you choose?”
A pulse seemed to run through them all then, through the air itself, on her last curling, questioning word. And then she sat back, and after a pause for the spell breaking, went on in a much more normal tone, even and unbothered, but still compassionate. It was a doctor’s voice.
“Chills. Sweating, particularly at night. Dehydration. Irritability. Insomnia. Nightmares. Intrusive and irrational thoughts. Thoughts of self harm. Depression. Disinterest in things one was previously interested in. Lack of appetite. Weight loss. Tremors. Any of this sounding familiar?”
Marick didn’t show any emotion on his face as he listened to Atyiru speak, knowing the raw truth of the story behind the story. He did, as Cole might have noticed, go completely still. A fprest creature-like stillness, almost inhuman, almost like a statue. He looked at Sagitta, and tried to signal compasion and understanding through his stoicism. The world might seem to be swaying as Atyrius probed, but he hoped to serve as - at the minimum - a visual anchor.
Atty started with once upon a time and honestly, it surprised her slightly. She wasn’t.. expecting that. Or Princess Sagitta for that matter.
Slowly, the grip loosened on Cole’s hand and it was more relaxed. She was very fixated on the story. The … similarities. This pulled her in and there was no going out. Was this… Atyiru? Was this… her? She stayed quiet and her eyelids closed when Atyiru went to the chapter of the heart. She heard a small creak of the chair and her eyelids opened. The story went dark as her throat tightened at seeing the glowing lines on her arms. Pure gold. So into the story, she didn’t realize she was being lured in like a moth to a golden light.
Her choice. Sagitta exhaled sharply when she was hit by a pulse-like feeling as her eyes narrowed at Atyiru. What the kriff happened? Then Atyiru’s tone changed. From playful and fun to almost doctor-like. Each symptom she ratted off, the more exhausted Sagitta felt.
“Ah… yea,” She was barely audible before speaking up, “Yes.” The Mirialan felt like the weight on her was getting heavier and twisting around her heart. She was back to here, the reality, her fingers intertwined with Cole’s.
Sagitta took another deep inhale before looking over to Marick and Atiryu, “Running myself ragged isn’t working anymore and I can’t take the silence, it gets louder. But…”
She gave them all a smile. Tired smile, but a smile nonetheless, “I have too much to lose. I’ll always keep fighting.”
A brilliant white smile lit the woman’s earthen toned, freckles features, even those little spots seeming to glow, like stars spilled over her cheeks.
“That’s our girl,” she murmured, encouraging, and then nodded once. “You’re not experiencing anything mysterious or mythical, dear, despite the source. It’s called withdrawals. It’s a physical, medical malady. Normally, when seeing withdrawal symptoms, it is from the body being in an induced state outside the normal baseline – whether that’s "high”, as the term is often used when involving drugs of any kind, or low – for a long period of time. Long enough that the body stops doing all the things it normally would, because something else is doing it for it. Like making happy chemicals! For me, that outside something was glitterstim, and it was for over a year.“ Her hands steepled, the last admission delivered with a more grave sincerity than her educational, encouraging tones.
"Your experience is quite unique. A shock to the system, really. I’m mildly surprised you’re feeling what you are, as a doctor, because of how brief your exposure was, even though it was severe. But it’s also not entirely unusual. Some substances and the like, such as hallucinogens, or particularly powerful drugs, can do the same; one dose is all it takes, and the body is just overwhelmed. It’s traumatic. Like any injury. Like a broken bone. It may heal, but it heals different. The good news is, withdrawal symptoms can be managed and overcome. Addiction is difficult. It’s not easy, and it’s not going to be easy overcoming this or resisting it. Your own experience will be entirely unique because it’s yours. But we will be here for you, and help you. You aren’t alone, not at all. And if you ever want to speak to someone who’s been through similar, you can always talk to me– and many others here in the Clan, more than you may think. You don’t need to feel isolated or weak. This is…common, for as supernatural as your encounter was.”
Marick nodded along and reached into his pack, slowly pulling out a few glass bottles with sealed stopped and very neat glass-pen labels. He set them on the table for Sagitta.
“It’s common at the clinic, or when volonteering here on Selen. These are…home remedies I’ve made. You can set any of these pouches in hot water for five-to-six minutes and drink with some honey or your choice of sweetener, or just plain.” He pointed at one. “This is betterbark (it’s not the technical term for it, but its what Kirra calls it), peppermin, and lemongrass, good for wearniess in the head. This bundle is for sleep aid, lavender, chamoile, and valer-root. Completely optional, but we’ve found that bacta can only heal so much.”
He sat back slightly. “Being an Arcanist means strengthing your mind. That will come with time, and experience. The more experiences you can build up, the easier it becomes to endure all that life has a way of…throwing at us.”
His eyes went a bit distant. Then came back. “We all have more to loose than we care to admit. You are not alone.” His eyes flitted to Cole’s for a moment, then back to Sagitta.
Sagitta calmed and Cole’s grip remained but lighter, conscious of the fact this was very.. blatant but shifting his hand so their fingers could properly entwine anyway. Exposed but Marick was unlikely to abuse small things like this.
She went from ready to throw it all away to.. at least somewhat normal again. He was grateful to Atty for that, the explanation made sense. The story didn’t quite to him but he was glad for Sagitta’s sake. It was all quite a lot. The Mirilan sounded tired. Beyond it really but then she’d been struggling to rest too. After all, this entire series events started with Cole finding her trying out caf to force herself to say awake.
A hollow pang in his chest echoed. He buried it. She wasn’t alone, no. He met Marick’s gaze with a steady and ever so slight nod. Cole would be there for her. It was some purpose, enough for now.
Sagitta listened. People weren’t kidding when they mentioned that the Dark Side was addictive.
Withdrawal symptoms. The Mirialan leaned forward and propped her free arm up. Her head rested on her hand. When Atyiru brought up that it won’t be easy, she nodded. Of course. Nothing in life was ever easy. But the three of them gave her hope. That she can do this.
Her eyebrow rose when it happened to many others in the Clan. Makes sense to an extent. So many she had met were Force Users, it would make sense if they all were exposed to the Dark Side to some extent. She was slightly disappointed in finding out that it usually takes more for someone to have withdrawal effects. She had one taste and she wanted more. Her hand moved to touch her arm but Cole’s hand was there so he would only feel a slight tug. She relaxed.
It’s not comfortable knowing she has an addictive personality. Kriff.
All her adrenaline rushes that the Mirialan she chased after made sense now. Even her new job as an HJO.
‘How many had fallen?’ She wanted to ask but refrained from doing so. That was negative and she didn’t like that. Marick reached into his pack and got out glass bottles. Tea.
She made a small face but sat up properly and relaxed her features. She didn’t like caf when she had it the other day, needed to add sugar and milk. She chewed on her inner cheek a little bit when Marick brought up being an Arcanist means strengthening the mind.
He must’ve been disappointed.
For kriff’s sake, stop that.
Sagitta’s lips curved up slightly.
You’re not alone.
Silence fell on them. Sagitta cleared her throat, “Thank you. All of you.” She squeezed Cole’s hand as she made eye contact with him to make sure he knows that she also met him, not just Marick and Atyiru before her weary eyes glanced back to the couple. Her free hand went to the bottles and moved it to her side.
Cole’s gaze still held worry but he gave her hand a soft squeeze, smiling slightly.
She was determined.
Determination just didn’t always make a difference. He would hold that thought to himself however. She was struggling enough without him planting in doubt.
Marick offered a rare, small smile at Sagitta. He could see her trepidation at his remedies.
“Unfortunately, there is no magic cure-all. But you are here. You made it back. And sometimes that’s all we can hope for.”
He made a fist idly and extended his thumb, then moved it from the center of his chest and upward while looking at the Mirilan. Proud.
Atyiru smiled, ears wiggling at Marick’s gesture, at the general rising tempo of the room. She might have to correct some assumptions, but that could come in time…for now. There was this.
“Thank you, Sofie,” the silver-haired woman said with a warm smile. “Thank you for being brave and true enough to come here. Thank you for seeking us out. For letting your Cole help you. And for listening to what we’ve to say. These are all difficult steps. The first and most difficult, perhaps. You will not be alone, in any of this. You have your friends, your family, your Clan – both Armis, Erinos, and Arcona.” She tilted her head and grew quiet briefly, as if listening to something in another room. “…and several baby ronto nieces and nephews for that matter. Oh, delightful! We should make them bonnets! Do you like knitting? Of course you do, I’ll show you, very handsy, who needs eyes!”
Marick blinked.
Cole glanced toward Marick, making eye contact for a moment before returning to the more general look out hed been maintaining over the group and the space beyond them.
Sagitta sighed softly. “No there isn’t… and yea.” She smirked a little, “I’ll always keep coming back. No one gets rid of me that easily.” But then there was movement from Marick.
For the past few weeks, she had been visiting Aksel and Tajga. She learned sign language to be able to communicate with them and as well keep up tabs on them. They were happy in their village. It was also her way of visiting Stomps and the babies. When she couldn’t visit, she would check in on them through holo. Nothing was more cute than watching them trying to pick up all the babies to show her.
It didn’t occur to her that Marick somehow knew that she recently and quickly learned sign language. It was the single sign he chose. Sagitta choked back a sob.
Atyiru, thank kriff, had started talking. The Mirialan cleared her throat to avoid the tears swelling up. But then she wasn’t helping either. Kriff. She didn’t want to cry in front of them-
Then she broke. She laughed and giggled at the thought of the baby rontos wearing bonnets on their head! That was simply adorable. “Oh kriff! Yes, we do! That would be so cute! I would have to look up what fabric would be safe for them, they are eating absolutely everything right now!” Then with a few more chuckles, “I’m not sure how good I would be at knitting, my attention span sometimes just-” She made a wooshing sound over her head and then paused for a moment.
A small smile, “I… don’t mind working on reclaiming my name so if you want to call me Sofila or uh-” She grinned at Atyiru, “Sofie, I’m okay with that. It was more of the shock of how did you know that.”
Wait a min. How did she know about the rontos? Or Marick knew that she had learned sign language?
Who are these people?
Marick shifted a bit in his seat. “Atyiru and I are two sides of the same coin. Her journey is unique in both her connection to the Force, and the nature of her time in a near-death coma for years before coming back to us,” his unconsciously moved a strand of once-jet black hair-truned ashy- aside from his eyes, then with the other hand tightened his grip on Atyiru’s hand before releasing it. “You…get used to her inferring things through the Force, and her general ability to read emotions.”
He glanced down momentarily. “I, on the other hand, have the curse of knowledge. It is why I try to be as helpful as possible to you in your Arcanist pursuits. It was a big change for me, leaving the life of a Shadow and leaning more into the…knowledge of the galaxy and its inner workings. There is so much more at work than just…the dark or light side of the Force.” He made a nondescript gesture in the air.
“Beyond that, knowing things is,” he glanced at Cole for a moment, then back to Sagitta, “unfortunately, what happens to me, wether I like it or not. Former Voice of the Brotherhood leaves me with many contacts and informants. Here, in Dajorra, my time as Shadow Scion and Lord have left similar loyalties and contacts. And of course, now, as head of the Envoy Corps…knowledge flows again through me. A double edged sword, in truth, but…” he trailed off.
Atyiru put a hand on Marick’s shoulder as he trailed off. She smiled, a brave thing for the both of them.
“All this knowing,” she murmured. “You’ll come to know too. They most important one. Yourself. Best of all. Your name and what it means to you. Who you are. Who you want to be. You can change yourself if you want to. And we’ll be here. And so will Mister Farrow Douve-Armis!”
“Names have power…” Marick murmured, and while he knew Atyiru understood more than anyone about the true nature of names, she still was Atty and had no filter on using them liberally.
“Farrow is enough.” Cole responded. He wanted to say more, mainly to state that she better kriffing restrain herself from meddling in his life again, but this was for Sagitta. That was an entirely different conversation even if he had a great disdain for being married to someone and not having any part in the decision himself.
The woman would probably kriffing know already by now.
He shifted slightly in his seat, uncomfortable.
Atyiru made her eyebrow at him and said, “Wink.”
His jaw tensed.
Aware of what she was doing, he tried to blot her out. Draw.. some line of security from interference of a woman he did not want poking around his mind.
That number of people was precisely zero.
It didn’t work fully, but it was something.
“Ooo, staticky~” the Miraluka giggled, as if being tickled. She smacked her lips, wiggled her ears. “Tastes like grape. Brain buzzies.”
Sagitta grimaced slightly at the idea of Atty reading through the Force and emotions. It… would explain a lot but Sagitta had the tendency to avoid the Force. And here she was, plucking them out as if it was a harp. Marick went into deeper of his life and having the knowledge. That… made sense.
The Mirialan smiled at Atty and then nodded. “You’re right-” She cringed at the Mister Farrow Douve-Armis. Sure enough, Cole chimed in with just calling him Farrow. The whole situation was so weird.
“Yes, and that’s why I’m reclaiming mine,” chimed in Sagitta about names. Though, if people continued to call her Sagitta or Gitta, it would work. In fact, it may take her a bit to respond to her actual name. It’s been years if not almost couple of decades. She blinked at Atty in confused at the sound of ‘grapes.’ Brain… buzzes tastes like-
What.
“Speaking of names, we should head out and get that marriage annulled, right?”
“Yes. Considering no one bothered to consult us if we actually wanted to be married or not beforehand.” Cole spoke, shifting to stand up and stepping behind the chair.
“Psh,” Atty blew a raspberry with her tongue. “Talking about me but not even saying it, you silly lettuce, and as if I bamboozled you! This was all you two, tut tut. You made the pinkie promises, not me.”
She adjusted to sit upside-down in her chair, swinging her legs over the back and hair falling down away from her face.
Sofila lets out a small surprised squeak at Atty. How- How did she know!? Wait, what does a pinky promise have to do with this!? It had nothing to do with their relationship at that time! When they made a pinky promise, it was for something else- Sofila was certain that she didn’t develop feelings for Cole then like she does now.
“W-what does a pinkie promise have to do with this? It’s a childish thing and we just made a promise to each other about-” Her mental shield went up at the reminder of Atty’s extreme digging of the mind. The Mirialan cleared her throat. “What does it have to do about marriage?”
Cole slowly turned his head to look to Marick, hoping there was some logical explanation the man could provide. Or maybe just aid in preventing it occuring again.
Something.
Marick blinked once, then made a showing of looking up and to the left, as if rummaging around mechanically through his mind for something that could help in this situation.
He glanced back at Cole, and actually lifted both of his shoulders upwards while keeping the rest of his body still. An unmistakably emotive, actual shrug.
I fear no Sith Lord or Father of Mortis, but I listen to what this woman tells me and rarely win discussions with her
“Oh, so glad you asked! You really should study up on an area you intend to move to, you know, dear. You and the rest of the Armis Clan have just stumbled in, but Mister Farrow Douve-Armis, tsktsktsk, you’ve had two years and you’re blaming me?”
With a scrunch of her pixie nose and poking out of tongue in concentration and a wave of her hand, the Miraluka magically lifted the very book she’d been ‘reading’ from its spot on the table and opened it, floating it over to the couple of newlyishweds.
“No idea if that’s the right page, mind you, but there you are! You’ll see right there in the subsection under matrimony proceedings et cetera et cetera that in Dajorran territories, a pinkie promise between whole and somewhat sound of mind adults of their species constitutes a marriage! As do many other practices, of course. We wanted to be inclusive as possible to all cultures! Miralukan marriages only take an asking and an answer, you know. We were married one enshaeden evening on the eve of a leavetaking and a heart breaking. Weren’t we, Mika yirue?”
Atyiru beamed at Marick, ears fluttering and freckles glowing with happy light.
Cole wanted to punch her.
So he walked away before an ex-Voice, assassin and Arcanist was trying to kill him for punching his wife.
Marick nodded, and while he didn’t smile, his eyes seemed to stay on Atyriu’s face and…simply lingered, admiring its shape, its radiance, and seemingly burning that image into his mind to remind himself that he had gotten her back, somehow, but also to make sure he never let that happen again. No matter what.
His focused shifted as he saw Cole stepping away. He thought of a few different ways he could try to talk to the man, but none of them seemed like they’d lead to a resolution or be helpful. So he remained where he sat.
The Mirialan was completely shocked and flabbergasted. Before she could say or do anything, Cole got up from the chair and walked away. She watched him as she sighed softly.
Who the kriff made those rules?
“Okay.” She took a moment to gather her thoughts. “Divorce.. that should work. I’ll- ah. I’ll get the paperwork for that today.”
Sofila sat up and cleared her throat, “What are …. ah.” Her cheeks were red. “What are the other matrimony proceedings..” She felt bad. This was her fault. If she hadn’t- No matter.
She felt tired and exhausted. Ready to sleep. Was this part of the withdrawal? Unsure.
“Oh, bother if I can remember them all,” Atyiru hummed. “That was quite a bit and one resurrection ago, for me! Don’t you worry, dear, he’s not mad at you, he’s mad at me. No need for guilt on your part. Your promise was special. And whatever you two hope together is most special of all.” The Miraluka turned her smile onto Sofie then, soft. “I think you’re due for a nap. Cole Crankypants too. Sleep is the first door, you know. To healing. To grief.”
Sofila blinked. Then another. She cleared her throat, “Right. Okay.” She got up and made sure to grab the bottles that Marick had given her.
“Thank you both. Uh, it’s nice to meet you!” The Mirialan frowned as she headed out and glanced at the hallways. Wait. Which way to- Ah. Kriff! Married. She was kriffin’ married.
‘Okay. Chill. It’s all good Sagitta. Just get the divorce papers and- I have no kriffin idea where the kriff I am to find this… Ruka or Qyreia person or whoever can help us get divorced. Kriff. No more pinky promises-’
Then she dropped the bottles in surprise.
Does that mean Zuza and Sagitta was married too!?
By the stars. Two divorce papers.
“Should we tell them?” Marick asked calmly.
Atyiru propped her chin on her hand and winked in Marick’s direction.
“Mmmmmno. They can have something else to fuss over for a little bit longer, and someone else to be unkind to and upset at other than their lovely, hurting, altogether selves. It’s not going to be easy for either of them. Give them a fancy. Just a bit longer. Besides! Great story for the grandchildren. Once upon a time, a crazy woman married us twice.”
Stretching with a squeak, she wiggled her bare toes and sat upright again, as being upside-down was starting to feel swimmy.
Marick nodded once.
Somewhere outside, Cole punched something.
Not hard enough to rebreak his knuckles. Again.
The Miraluka smiled at him. And then paused.
“Speaking of grandchildren…”
Marick narrowed his eyes.
Sofila scrambled as she caught the bottles.
‘Kriff. Kriff. Okay. Breath. Panicking isn’t going to do anything.’
Her pink hues glanced left and right. She took the left first.
After several minutes on many different floors and asking over eight people directions, she had finally found the office she had been looking for. If anyone was watching the cameras, it would be obvious that the female Mirialan was stressed. Her curly hair was frayed. Her movements were frantic. Fast packed. Slightly clumsy.
It didn’t help that she was exhausted.
‘I’m married to two people. At least Cole did paperwork on his end, how the kriff am I going to approach Zuza? Yea. Just casually scroll up to her and go 'Heeeeey Zuza! I hope you are doing well! So I accidentally got us married, mind signing some paperwork?’ By the stars’
Though it seemed that amusing thought helped her calm down. Maybe it won’t be that bad. With a clear of her throat, she entered to the office.
“Hi! My name is Sof-”
She stopped as the aide, who looked a bit exasperated, “check the courtyard.”
A slow blink, “Pardon?”
“You are looking for Proconsul Ruka yes? Courtyard.”
“Oh. Okay. Thank you!” Not wanting to miss this Ruka somehow, she ran to the courtyard and started to glance around. There was few people here.
Which one was Ruka? So she started to approach each people at the courtyard. Her hands was still holding the bottles.
“Hiiiiiiii! Are you Ruka? Ah, sorry about that! I love your robes!”
Then another, “Hello! Are you Ruka? No- Oooh whatcha reading? Have you ever heard of Adventures of Sagitta? Great book! It’s also a children book but it does have some dark tendencies and stuff in there that only adults can get! Very good to teach some lesson such as respect and kindness! There’s more but right now i’m terribly emotional and distracted and possibly why I’m rambling- It’s also great for problem solving! Oh, not that you would problem solve anything but it gives examples for kids to understand and how to approach problems- I’m rambling aren’t I?”
“Ay, ma'am,” called down a voice, rescuing the poor soul just trying to read their book quietly, alone.
The call came from above, not on the parapets but higher, in the most massive tree in the courtyard not too far from the bench with her present target. Moments after the voice came, a man followed, dropping down from the uppermost boughs and settling on his feet as if it was no more than a single step. It was another Mirialan, a man, slightly shorter than her as he approached, with thick locs of malachite and gray bundled up at the back of his head and swaying in a tail that fell to his mid back. His tattooed face was thick with scars, as ruined on one side as hers was and almost equally shredded on the other, and a black gauge nestled in the one ear he had remaining. His robes were black and gold, an emblem reminiscent of a flower on the mud on the chest. His violet eyes were scrunched at the edges, peering at her from under thick, scar-broken brows, expression a mix of concern and confusion.
“I’m, uh, Ruka,” he said, stopping a little bit away and still eyeing her closely. He spoke with an encouraging voice. “And you had me at ‘children’s book.’ Sounds like some good stuff, ay? Maybe we can sit down, take a breath, you can tell me about it?”
He pointed at the base of the tree, where it was shaded.
‘Ay, ma'am.’
Sofila followed the sound and glanced up. For a moment, the Mirialan flinched. She doesn’t see many Mirialans around and her brain went to the possibility threat of him being one of her brothers that was out to follow their father’s orders and kill her. Logical reasoning came in and he couldn’t be one of her brothers.
He was far too scarred and knowing her family, they would be ashamed to go around with bunch of injuries. Kriff. For some reason, Sofila wanted to hug him and just hold him. Instead, she ended up hugging the tea bottles that Marick gave her. Clung onto them as if her dear life depended on it. Another reasoning was that he looked older than any of her brothers.
Boy, how wrong was she.
Pink hues watched his violet ones as she smiled from ear to ear. “HI RUKA,” Sofila exclaimed. “Oh yes! Children’s book! Okay, to be honest - ah it’s labeled as- Oh?” She paused for a moment when he pointed at the base of the tree. “Yes, good idea!”
Made her way over there, she continued, “It’s labeled as children’s book but it does have some hidden element sin there that young adults or even adults can enjoy! Ah- well, I re-read some of the books and there was some moments I was like - Oh wow! I didn’t notice this as a kid! But I would think it would be safe for children unless I’m that dense. Which, I have been told I can be a bit -whooo” She made a circular motion at her ear for the crazy sign.
Course, this almost made her drop the tea bottles, “Ah!” She yelped as she clung them to her chest again and her arms wrapped ever so tightly. “So! Right, the children’s book okay so -ah kriff! I’m okay. I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind. Adventures of Sagitta is the name of the book! It tells adventures of this woman, her name is Sagitta, and her crew as they face many difficulties. Sometimes it’s simple as a booby - oh stars, I said booby, I meant bobby - wait is it booby? bobby? booty? cooty? KRIFF!”
She quickly drop down to a squat and still held the tea as her face was buried in her knees, “I kriff things up so bad! I didn’t know there was a law that if you do a pinkie promise you become married and now I think he’s mad at me andmybrainissomeantomerightnowican'tbreatheandican'teventhinkaboutwhatSagittawoulddoplease help”
Oh boy.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Ruka soothed gently, dropping into a crouch across from her in the shade. “Hey, listen. Listen to my voice, okay? You’re okay, just breathe with me, can you do that? Bet this Sagitta lady would breathe really good, ay. Just breathe, okay? Breathe with me. Like this: in, one, two, three, four…” he counted, then inhaled loudly in demonstration. “And hold it. Puff your cheeks, ay! Hoooold it. One, two, three, four. Now let go slow, kay, one, two, three, four…”
The male Mirialan repeated this process, counting along and breathing slow, waiting for her to follow with him.
“If you need help, I can help more, help do it for you a bit, ay? In the Force. With you permission. Breathe…”
Sofila followed him.
‘One, two, three-’
Her cheeks puffed when he mentioned to hold it. That was weird. Usually she just held it at her chest but never puffed cheeks. A small giggle escaped while she poked her chipmunk cheeks with her fingers. The tea bottles rested safely.
“Ah no no, no Force-” She grimaced but she really appreciated that he asked.
She exhaled with a soft splutter sounds while falling back on her butt.
“Sorry about that… a lot on my mind lately.” Their eyes met, her smile was genuine with small crinkles at the corner of her eyes. “Hi! I’m Sag- Sofila. Well, also Sagitta, but that’s a long story- Ah I’m doing it again.” She held her breath. “Okay. Sofila, get to the point,” muttered the mirialan to herself.
“Right! I’m here to get annulled? Or divorce papers? I’m not quite sure… Atiyiru said that in -” She grimaced. She needed to find Cole and apologize profusely. “In the Dajorra system a pinky promise is marriage?”
She also needed to find Zuza and serve the papers.
No more pinky promises, ever.
Ruka smiled when she giggled, poking his own cheeks in echo, making a face back at her. He nodded to the refusal and watched her sit back, finally having a living and breathing – panicking – person to put to the face and name of a dossier.
A long, quick stream of Mirialan, left his mouth under his breath at revelation of her business. Of kriffing course. Violet eyes rolled to the sky and back down.
“Okay, ay, first of all, ain’t gotta say you sorry for bein’ stressed, ay, you fine, neea. Second, ya don’t gotta explain your case. I already know, found you name on the emergency contact forms for Farrow and put it together. That cceeqa does this ALL THE TIME. Me and Qy have a frangin’ counter now. Days Since We Had to Divorce Somebody. It’s easy, okay, we got you. And no, pinky promises ain’t no marriage. She’s sithspittin’ you there. Believe me, I read that kriff SO. MANY. TIMES NOW. And I’m not a good reader, okay, I’m st–” he stumbled finally, catching himself. Grimaced and rubbed at his arm and side while color stole into the remaining flesh of his cheeks. “I’m…there’s smarter folks. But I read all the marriage laws already, a pinkie promise is not a binding matrimony. Not unless you literally are asking to be married and saying yes while you do it.”
Sticking out a hand, Ruka gestured, and a guard jogged over from the shadow of the parapets.
“Can we get some water for her, Aniya? And I dunno, a bag for…her stuff?” Whatever those bottles were.
The Selenian woman looked Sofila over, but didn’t seem surprised by some random acts of nurturing from the Shadow Scion.
“Yes, sir,” she replied, signalling to another man and then walking off back indoors. Ruka turned back to his fellow Mirialan and offered another smile.
“How’s the breathing?”
Sofila grimaced slightly when he rolled his eyes to the sky and back down. She wanted to make a joke how it might get stuck if you aren’t careful but refrained. This… wasn’t a good time. And she’s exhausted. She’s so ready to go back home and cry into a pillow.
Or destroy a punching bag.
Pot-ate Po-tay-toe
Ruka brought up about her name was on the emergency contact for Farrow as she looked at him in slight confusion. Oh. She had never really talked to Cole about that night.
Sometimes it was best to let things put to bed. Sofila can’t help but to watch Ruka in amazement. She had never met anyone like him. Did…. she accidently sent the man on a mini-rant?
Well! Everyone needed to get something out of their chest sometimes and she was happy to help! It seemed like Marick’s wife caused a lot of trouble. She felt relieved when pinky promises wasn’t a sure fire way to get married.
At least, there’s some good news she could give to Cole. Ruka mentioned that he wasn’t a good reader.
“If you are interested in the books I mentioned earlier, I would be happy to read them to you! I read them to my family every night- well. Ah. Used to. Before I moved out but then I did use to read it to crew every night but you know how exhausting that was?! By the stars! Trying to find everyone and read to them and not everyone was okay with it so I just…. stopped. I would love to read to you! Or your kids! Do you have children!?”
A guard jogged over.
“WAH,” yelped Sofila in surprise. What the kriff, where did, how- Whoa.
‘How’s the breathing?’
“Oh! Ah! I’m okay! Really!” Then she considered it for a moment. “I-I know we JUST met but - ah. I was wondering-” She sounded defeated, “It’s silly. Never mind.” She waves it off and took in a deep breath. Back to her cheery self! “Ah! So! Paperwork before I forget and ramble about something else?”
Ruka’s brows rose again at her outpouring, but he seemed otherwise unphased by it, mostly just listening and making encouraging, comforting, or sympathetic faces and noises as she went at the right moments.
“I got a son and a daughter, ay, yeah. You’re actually reminding me of her a little. She rambles when she upset too. Has these panic attacks, anxiety. Gets it from me, kinda.” A small shrug. “And what’s up? You can ask. ‘specially if you think it’s silly. Those are usually the important ones.” Another smile, small, more tired but genuine than his encouraging ones. “I won’t forget about the paperwork, so don’t worry there.”
“Aw! I hope she grows up to be kind like you!” Sofila grinned to Ruka.
Then he brought it up. To be fair, if someone did that to her, she would mention it. There was a bit of a pause but he continued about the papers.
“That’s a relief! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve forgot something so important!”
Silence followed. She continued to hold onto the tea bottles close to her chest as if she was afraid to lose it. It was more of a comfort thing.
She wanted to ask Ruka something.
‘He’s so kind and friendly! Sorta of like me! Does creatures like him too!?’
Yet, can she ask him?
She hated asking for help. Her gripped around the battles tighten. The spots were her arm were up against the bottles were becoming light green from the pressure. Buir had done everything he could for Sagitta but even as a young child, she valued her sisters more than herself.
‘Kriff. Just ask him. He’s friendly. And a pro-con! By the kriffin’ stars why was this so hard!?‘
She buried her face into the tea bottles but not distressed. More as if in a mental war with herself. Her muscles were a bit tense but nothing to be of concerned.
The last few days had been exhausting for her.
'The mission… The hospital visit, finding a crystal for my lightsaber, finding Cole with the kriffin’ blast-‘
She couldn’t even finish that thought. Ever since she woke up from the mission, everyone had said it wasn’t her fault and if she ever needed help to go to them.
But she doesn’t want their help. She wants to help them, not them helping her.
She. Doesn’t. Want. Anyone’s. Help.
'My parents were right. I’m a waste of space and better off -’
It stopped.
Her eyes blinked a few times. What… what was all those negative thoughts and feelings? This.. was a new and extremely uncomfortable territory for her.
“I almost died.” She started. Her eyes stared at the grass before her. “No. I did die. Twice.” She exhaled softly and sat up more proper. The tea bottles rested on the ground now.
“A … lot has happened since then. One thing did stuck out in my mind.” She seemed less childish and more focused. Organizing her thoughts. Her voice was soft and low.
“My future. I… I never stopped to think about that. Buir adopted me and my siblings. He made sure to incoperate our languages, food, everything so we always knew of our culture. But… I hated my - our? culture. I wanted nothing to do with it. It also helped him focused on my sisters’ culture which what was I wanted him to do! But now…. I want a family. I figured it might be best to start with the culture I was born in.”
She swallowed. Her throat was tight. Her arms crossed across her body as she grasped her shirt tightly at the sides.
“Will.. ah. Kriff.” She hated that word. She loved hearing it from others when they wanted her help but for her to say it? Kriff.
“Will you help me?”
Ruka was patient. Taking care of your own parents as a kid while raising two kids did that. So he just waited while Sofila Sagitta figured out how to ask what she wanted to – how to ask at all, if he gauged her right.
It was a nice enough day out. Hot and deeply humid like Selen did, but nice. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Aniya returning, and flicked his fingers in a gesture to stall her, not wanting the other Mirialan to be spooked. He just summoned the water bottles and bag with a glance and a nod of thanks. She surrendered them easily, nodding back.
Eventually, when she did speak, Ruka’s face crumpled in not shock, but sympathy, tightening around his violet eyes. She spoke soft, and he kept his expression soft, despite furrowed brows. Nodding along, meeting her gaze when she dared it, he watched her hug herself nearly tight enough to crack those bottles.
“Hey, neea. Thanks for asking me that. That’s really good of you to ask, and I know it hard. I really do, okay?” He smiled at her, then, though it became a little awkward compared to the confident comforting. “As for helping with our…culture? I mean, I can try, ay. I’m just me. My aquayla– that’s grandmother, in Mirialan. Er, kriff, sorry if you know that. You said this booeer taught you the language? Anyway. My aquayla taught me, my Mama…she wasn’t so about our life either. So I can try, same I done with my kids, tryna pass it on, yeah, but I’m not like, a model for our species, y'know? But I’ll try. And maybe it’ll be something helpful to you, or maybe you’ll just have some more folk you know. And hey, for the record? Wanting the family is the best damn place to start, so I think you good. Sounds like you’re a real good big sister. That’s pretty great already.”
The young Mirialan listened and made a small worried face when when Ruka had brought up that he understood how hard it was to ask for help. Does that mean he also struggled to ask for help? Kriff, now she felt guilty for asking him. What if he had a lot on his plate?
Sofila grinned from ear to ear when he brought up a small language about their culture. Aquayla. She nodded to confirm to the Pro-consul that Buir had taught her the language. Sofila tried not to laugh or correct him on the mispronouncing of Buir. Ruka was trying and it would be unkind to even think that. What a horrible intrusive thought.
“I’m not a model either!” Sofila’s smile stayed, “We can learn together then? If that’s okay! I understand if you have a lot of things on your plate!”
She recoiled at the mention of her being a good big sister. There was a rift between Asani and her.
“I ah-” Her smile almost faded but she brought it back.
“Ah. I try! And yes! I cannot wait to encounter the joys and perils of being a parent! The little pitter patter of their tiny feets! Their beautiful hand art on the walls! Their giggles!” She sighed contently and her grip around the bottles had finally loosened.
Ruka noticed the flinch, but didn’t pry. Instead he just smiled, trying to be encouraging, even as he resisted an incredibly strong urge to caution her. Slow down, ay, wanting kids is good, yeah, but you should be ready for them too– safe, stable. Not throwing yourself into battles every other month.
Yeah. Good advice. If only he’d follow it too.
Good thing he was really practiced at faking smiles.
“It is pretty great,” he agreed. “They were– it wasn’t ideal, yeah, ay, but still, for everything hard as it was…they the best damn thing that ever happened to me, ‘sides my husband.” Speaking of the teens, his expression grew genuine again. “They just expanded they tattoos. They’re…growing up. I miss the tiny feet.”
“Ohhhhh.” Sofila’s expression changed to one of sympathy. She listened and smiled. “Amazing how meeting your significant other or even having kids in your life can just… change your world for the best.”
Sofila wonder if that had happened to her? Things were a bit rocky and she had a long way to go. At least she could wait, on the kids part. Sofila cooed when he mentioned they had expanded their tattoos.
“Oh gosh! I bet you are so proud! Ugh. Why do children grow up so fast? Even kids that aren’t mine, I just want to scoop them up and protect them from everything, give them all the stories they could need! All the stuffed animals, tea parties, and even outdoorsy adventures! Before they have to grow up.”
She let in a powerful gasp, with her facial expression lightened. She had an eureka! moment. “Do you think the orphanage would let me take a group of kids to camping if they wanted to go?! Storytelling, I can do that! Tea parties and even planning some things! Ooh, I need to see Minnie about a job over at Blind Mice. I could pay for a day per week or something for the kids to come in! Wait, a theatre day! Yes! Okay, I need to-”
She started fumbling and patted around her person several times. She found her datapad and pulled it out.
“Okay! Right. So what was I saying-” She rapidly typed down notes:
The other Mirialan just stared at her rambling with a sort of patient, bemused but kind expression. He briefly wondered which orphanage she was even talking about and what it had to do with mice or miniatures. ‘The’ orphanage. As if there were only one. And really, orphanage was kind of a misnomer and outdated, there were three different residential care systems in Estle alone, and they’d been working on expanding the one in Korda that was abused as hell…
Drawing back from the spiral of administrative thoughts, Ruka watched Sofila type on her pad a little longer before he answered, trying to give her time to finish.
“I’m sure if you wanted to volunteer for some community stuff with kids like that, we could set it up. Lot more of that stuff here in the city than outside it. The Selenian tribes can be pretty, uh …ay, what’s the word…insider…inter…ins…” he snapped his fingers, “insular, that’s it, yeah. They keep more to theyselves. Could also do some emissary work maybe. There’s plenty of stuff, if you willing to apply for it. Can’t just let randos around kids.” He tilted his head. “But maybe one step at a time, ay? You sound like you got a billion plans and you ain’t gonna get to all of them all at once. You can have one. Do you wanna learn you culture first? Or try some community stuff first? Or get a whole other job first, on top of whatever else it is you’re doing that’s getting me reports from the Envoy Corp about fatal casualties?”
“Oooohhhhh. I’ve heard about that and sort of forgot. Thank you for reminding me.” She made pfft noises at herself. “Emissary work does sound good! And I understand. We can figure things out!”
Then Ruka went on. Each time he brought up a question, the more she slouched and hid behind her datapad. She was being scolded.
“Heeey now.” Sofila pouted slightly. “That’s the best thing though!? We have time! I’m not going to do everything at once. That’s just- wait. You remember me from my Envoy Corp mission?” Now she wanted to melt away and die. She sighed heavily and brought her datapad down to rest on her lap and was quiet. She still felt like a massive failure from that mission. Not to mention, everyone had been coddling her like a child. Save for Cole, thankfully.
For hours and for days, she would relay the scene in her head. Was it something she could’ve avoided? Got out of? Not put her teammates at risk?
Sofila realized she was starting to spiral, she cleared her throat to snap out of it. “Oh um-” paused Sofila. She was trying to remember what they were talking about prior to this. “Well, I want to learn our culture first yes, and I can work on getting a job. Community can wait since I want to see if I can have a whole day with the job for the kiddos to come over and rock climb or skate or- Well. When they trust me eventually. I hope. I think.” She frowned. She had never really doubted her skills until the mission.
“Well– that’s…gonna depend on a lot of stuff.” The elder of the two wore a somewhat stymied expression, trying not to grimace and stuck holding it. “If you’re talking about kids then you’re not… generally don’t assume you’re having them come over is like, a good start. And it’s not about them trusting you so much as them AND their parents or guardians trusting you. You make yourself available. For agreed on, chaperoned activities,b probably where they live… It’s…stranger danger otherwise, yeah? I’m– that’s not the point though, ay, sorry.”
He rubbed at his face again, then sighed.
“Look. I’m not trying to lecture you. Much. I’m just not going to let you overload yourself where I’m involved, whether that’s as your Proconsul – and yeah, I’ve heard about all the Envoy stuff from our members – or just as a friend sharing family recipes. But it’s good of you to think about the whole job and free time thing. That’s good. I see you’re trying, Sofila. You came out here and asked me for help. That’s obviously a lot. Okay? Keep doing that kinda thing. You’re already getting better. Hardest part sometimes is taking care of ourselves or letting anybody help. Admitting we can’t do everything. So, good job.”
Pulling out his own datapad, Ruka pressed a few keys and then her pad pinged.
“That’s my personal code. You can call me, ay, okay? Figure out something like lessons I guess. You can come over for dinner sometime. And I dunno, we’ll go from there. Maybe you can text me about what you wanna know or feel like you don’t know, that kinda thing? Or what your*booear* taught you?”