Sofila made sure no one was listening to them. Her head tilted to Cole’s direction.
“Cole.” She whispered, her voice low. She felt embarrassed. Ashamed even. Thank kark for her helmet. But she won’t have it on much longer when she’s home and Cole might start cracking her down. Maybe not, he’s been through so much. He might… not even want to go home to her because of it.
Maybe he wants to be alone?
“Will you come home with me? I don’t… I don’t want to be alone.”
Cole glanced side ways, not turning his head fully but nodding.
“I will.”
It was softly spoken, as hers had been. He wasn’t entirely sure, kriff, he didn’t want to see anyone but… Be better. He had to try. It wasn’t fair to leave her to cope on her own.
Sofila’s shoulders dropped with relief. He was coming home to her.
“Thank you.” Her hand started to reach out to hold his but she remembered before pulling it back to her. Her arms crossed.
The elevators door closed and Sofila pushed the button. Top floor.
“I got lucky the tenant on top floor moved out. You could see a lot. Well… it’s not that pretty but- I don’t think it’s so bad. For a meteor rock that is.” Sofila stepped froward when the door opened and she unlocked deadbolt of her apartment first and then the doorknob. She entered into her apartment, trusting Cole to lock the door behind.
“I was thinking I could shower first and then you. While you shower, I’ll order us some food?” Sofila suggested to Cole started to remove her blaster from her holster.
Port Ol'Val wasn’t the worst place in the galaxy. He’d been here on and off since he arrived in Arcona and was assigned to the Voidbreaker. It was pretty enough depending on where you grew up, though the duracrete and metal was more than familiar to him. All that changed was seeing the stars at night rather than a smog filled sky.
Cole turned upon entering, setting each lock into place before looking around the apartment. It was open planned, a door to his direct left, a open gap leading into a kitchen and another door further along. He worked off his backpack first, before leaning over to get his boots.
“Sounds like a plan.”
He responded, crouched down and unlacing carefully.
Usually he’d be able to handle it stood up or just leaning over but despite the healing he’d recieved Cole still felt shaky. The taste of blood had faded after such a long journey home, but the memory lingered.
Sofila nodded as she placed her blaster still in the holster on the dresser by the door along with her dagger before started to take off her armor and the shockboxing gloves. She set them up against the wall on the other end of the dresser before grabbing her blaster and dagger. She made her way to the bedroom and placed them on the night stand. Opened the drawers, she grabbed her pajamas along with an extra pair of clean boxer briefs for Cole.
Lucky for him, she buys the mens boxer briefs. It’s so comfortable. Might be a bit wider for him on the hips but it should work. She went to shower first.
Sofila didn’t take long, she was tired and hungry. After cleaned up, she left the clean folded boxer briefs on the closed toilet seat and stepped out with just a big t-shirt and clean underwear on. She was still drying her hair.
“Okay. All yours. I’ll order now. The usual?” She asked Cole while looking for her datapad with her other hand.
“Please.” Cole confirmed. He’d gotten his shoes off, his coat laid over his backpack and the trio of guns he had laid on the floor beside them. With his hunting knife. They’d need cleaning but that.. was a problem for when he was back on the Voidbreaker. Or later this week if Sofila had the supplies for it.
There had been an urge to check the apartment that he resisted. The door was locked and the place untouched from Sofila’s lack of comment. It was fine. He took a loose shirt and trousers in with him, surprised to see the boxers but noting them.
He took a bit longer, letting the hot water ease his muscles in an attempt to reduce the discomfort, but was still out before the food arrived. The boxers were a bit big but not so much he had to keep adjusting them. Only just a bit noticeable if he paid attention. Cole stepped out, leaving the door open to help ventilate the bathroom out and stuffing his dirty clothes into a pouch on his backpack for now.
It was too quiet. She hadn’t sang in the bathroom as usual.
The tension was palpable but they were both tired. Kark, to say they weren’t in there more than a matter of hours, it felt worse than some of his week long missions in the past.
The door knocked as Sofila quickly got up and made her way to the door. She saw Cole putting dirty clothes into his bag.
“Ah, anything not armor related, I can wash them, it’s-” She squeezed behind him and opened the sliding door to the laundry room.
“Just put it in the washer.” She peeked through the peephole and saw the food. The droid had already left. Unlocked the two, she tired to open but remembered there was a third. She wasn’t used to this many locks. Once she got the food, she locked the three behind her and made her way over to the kitchen.
Sofila passed Cole’s food while standing by the island and eating her food. She didn’t trust herself sitting down right now.
Cole looked over, humming in achknowledgement and following the instruction. He wanted to make a comment on their original meeting but it fell flat in his head before it ever made it to his lips. So he was silent as he dropped them in, exiting the little room and closing the door back behind him.
He crossed to the kitchen, spotting what she’d put aside and leaning back against the counter to eat. “Thank you.”
It felt wrong to go sit down if she wasn’t, though he wanted to. Then again he wasn’t sure if he’d stay awake long once he did. He wasn’t going to follow her to bed, that was the only thing he was sure about. The nightmares would be bad and being in a new environment would only make it worse. The last thing either of them needed was him holding a blaster in the middle of the night in front of her.
It was too quiet. Even for Sofila. She usually have something on the background. With a soft smile, she made her way to Cole’s side and peck him on the cheek softly.
“Hi.” She leaned back against the counter by him. “Are you-” She stopped herself. She was going ask if he was okay. But she knew.
Neither was she. Sofila cleared her throat while picking her food.
“I can put up a holofilm we had already seen to help cut through the silence. It’s… weird here without the hum of Voidbreaker’s engines.”
He was glad she didn’t finish that sentence. The peck was nice though.
Cole took another bite as she spoke, nodding, swallowing it before answering, “Howl’s moving castle? You slept through it last time, should still be a little different.”
It was weird without the hum, but the noise of people below was more familiar. City scapes were known territory. It was why he found himself on Selen more often than most of the Voidbreaker crew. Being space bound was.. strange for him
Sofila smiled and nodded. “I swear I don’t sleep through all holofilms. It just happens that we watch them when-” Why was it always something she was going through? That was annoying. They haven’t enjoyed a film together when she wasn’t karkin’ going through something.
With a sigh, she placed the food down and closed it with a lid. She wasn’t hungry anymore. She barely ate, maybe two or three bites.
Cole noticed. Frankly he didn’t feel hungry either but… Well. He kept going, slowly but steadily.
“It’s a distraction.”
It answered an unspoken question.
“One more bite?” He questioned, hoping to at least nudge her into some more food. Cole wouldn’t press, there was too much tension in the air but… she had barely eaten on the way back either.
“Yea,” Sofila agreed with him.
‘One more bite?’
Sofila paused at closing the container. Kark. She wasn’t hungry. But for Cole? If she asked the same of him, she would want him to do the same.
She can’t be a hypocrite.
Karkin suns.
She nodded slowly before sliding the lid away and taking another bite before closing it with a click.
He’d leave it at that, working through his own and content that she’d listened at least.
It took Cole longer than he’d liked, asking about half way through-
“You can go turn it on, I’ll come sit down.”
Usually he ate faster but this.. It tasted fine. It was just a struggle.
Sofila eyebrow rose in confusion as she placed the food in the fridge and closed the door. It was … so weird having a kitchen now.
“Sit down? I would thought you would be tired enough to come to bed.”
“I.. thought you meant watch the movie in here.”
Cole hesistated. Unsure. Kriff if he sat down in a bed he wouldn’t get back up. He’d hurt her. Kark-
“Though it’s probably better I sleep on the couch anyway.” He added on. May as well get it out of the way.
Sofila brows furrowed. Her arms crossed as she was closing off. Why doesn’t he want to sleep with her? What was going on?
‘…no matter how much that bitch convinced you otherwise…’
Sofila grimaced at the memory when she was trying to figure Cole out. It didn’t help that’s Cole’s voice even though it wasn’t him… was it? She felt ashamed. Her head leaned forward as she stared at her feet.
“Cole, I don’t want to sleep alone.”
“If.. Sofila I’m going to have nightmares tonight.” He tapped the fork against the top of the remaining food, not looking at her.
Pathetic.
“If I wake up I don’t want.. It’s safer.”
Sofila’s jaw clenched. She wasn’t prepared for her nightmares.
“Me too.” She knew that very well she was going have nightmares. Why can’t being with someone else help him like it helped her? What was going on? This was the opposite of everything she had learned or thought of. She always thought being with someone you trust or comfortable with would help lessen the severity of the nightmares.
How does he really feel about me?
“Cole-” She stopped, remembering the guilt she felt when she found out she had her knife up against his neck.
“We can place our weapons where we can grab them if needed to. Further away from arm’s length but not out of reach.”
She hated begging. She was really weak after all.
“Cole, please.”
You’re hurting her now.
He closed his eyes for a moment. Trying to process. If there was a weapon close then.. no. There’d have to be nothing. If there was one thing he remembered coming out of those karking terrors it was where the nearest weapon was.
“No weapons in the room.” He wouldn’t win that fight at least. She’d be able to protect herself.
Sofila nodded in agreement. “Okay. Thank you.” She felt like she was a burden to him. Too much. Even thanking him. Was that how relationships work? The Mirialan pushed her emotions down as she left the kitchen to go get her datapad and headed into the bedroom.
He watched her go and suddenly regretted saying yes. To coming. To- Anything. She.. Kark.
Cole resisted the urge to sink down to the floor and just sleep there instead.
By the time he finished eating he was a little calmer, cleaning up and setting his container into the trash before following her into the bedroom, glancing briefly at the couch but… Well he didn’t have a choice now.
He was so kriffing scared of hurting her.
He was scared of sleeping without a weapon nearby.
Cole tried to keep himself steady, focussing on his breathing even as he crossed into the room, moving to the other side of the bed and settling down beside her. This should feel okay but he felt like he was putting her in danger just because he was broken. Kark.
Sofila moved the blaster and dagger out of the bedroom. Headed back in, she glanced towards the door while she waited.
Should… should she? She needed to know but she didn’t want to invade his privacy. She didn’t want to do things without his permission.
But she wanted to help. No. She got the datapad set up and ready. Placed it on the nightstand, she started to pull the covers back for them and sat down, her back against her headboard. A sigh of content escaped from her lips. Kark. She’s tired. Her eyelids closed. She started to drift…
Fear.
Sofila jolted awake in surprise and frowned as she glanced to the doorway, right at the moment, Cole walked in and started to settle by her. W… what was that. Her brows furrowed while looking at Cole and back to the now closed door. It… wasn’t her fear. It felt different. Strong. Fear of hurting her.
She wanted to talk about it. Last time she didn’t mean to use it, it… didn’t go well for both of them. Instead, she stayed quiet and pulled the covers up and started to wiggle down to lay down. Cole followed and she wrapped her arm around his torso and pulled him close as Howl’s Moving Castle started to play in the background.
“I got you.” Sofila sleepily murmured towards Cole.
Sofila was frowning at him when he entered. Yet she still moved up to cuddle. Cole didn’t know what to say to her. She had him? What.. did that mean? It was comforting in a way but he didn’t understand it.
Still, he wrapped an arm around her, leaning his head toward hers and closing his eyes. The film would be good background noise for them but he was on edge still.
You’re going to hurt her. She’s not safe. Idiot just run-
They both settled faster than they thought they would. Exhaustion was a hell of an encouragment for the body to go under.
As predicted, it wasn’t enough to drown out the mind.
Cole’s nightmares were flashes. Danger. Pain. They were in danger, he needed to move to go, karking move or they’ll die. They’ll be gone.
Flickers of memories, interserpsed with attempts to change the reality but they all failed. The only image that stuck was the one of him meeting his own gaze, red eyes glaring down at him with a blaster to his temple. A flash of red. He couldn’t breathe. Sofila screamed-
Cole moved, shoving himself side ways. It was pitch black now, he couldn’t see again, no no- He couldn’t hear her. Where-
He reached for the side of the mattress but there was nothing.
Up onto his feet in the next beat, scrambling for something but there was nothing- nothing. He couldn’t breathe but couldn’t stay put, using the wall to try and guide but the wall wasn’t metal. Where was he?!
A shadow moved, in reality just the steady adjustment of his eyes to the darkness but he swung, but his fist met something. The wall. Pain splintered up his hand but he- Where had it gone it was right there- kark where was-
“Sofila?!” He called out. If she was there then they could get out, it’d be easier, he just needed to- they had to- where- Cole’s fist remained curled into a fist, prepared to strike again as he looked around.
Sofila was startled when Cole was on his feet. She immediately swung to her side of the bed and it took a while to realize where she was. Her new apartment. She frowned as she could feel her heart pounding against her chest.
Then that sound of the fist meeting the wall made her jump. Her hand went over to the lamp right away and light illuminated the room.
“Kark, Cole!” Sofila quickly jumped back over the bed and rapidly crawled to his side of the bed.
“What the- Cole-” She realized he may still be dreaming.
“Are you awake?” She asked cautiously.
He cringed at the light but was blinking, adjusting quickly and- Sofila.
Okay she was okay then- Where.. There was the bed. Holoprojector was on on a menu screen then- What-
He was breathing too quickly though looking around with more clarity. Mostly. The movements were sudden, waiting for something to jump out. For the other shoe to drop or…
She asked him a question. Awake?
“Yea- course I am we… We’ve..” He trailed off. Confusion and then realisation followed in quick succession. “Yes.”
At least he hadn’t gone after her. He felt his cheeks flush, drawing his still curled fist toward his chest and not really wanting to check the damage yet. Stupid.
“Are you okay?”
“We what?” Sofila started, as held out her hand for Cole to take with his uninjured hand.
“Keep talking. What did you see?” No more. No more running. No more, ‘it’s just a dream’. No more, ‘it’s okay’.
No. More.
“I- I don’t..”
She was holding a hand out to him and, slowly, hesistantly he took it, crossing back over to sit down.
“Someone was there.”
Cole kept his gaze on the room, the door. It flickered back to her but.. A part of him didn’t quite believe that there had been nothing at all. The rest was cringeing in shame, pained.
Sofila grasped his hand gently as she shifted to be by his side. Her other hand started to glow as she healed his injured hand.
She nodded softly. There was no ridicule or a look of pity. Her expression was soft and gentle. As if understanding.
“Who was here?”
He didn’t know how to handle her asking. The initial question was weird but why- He didn’t understanding why this matttered.
But then she was asking and.. his hand felt better. The pain wasn’t gone but it was better.
Cole felt ridiuclous, trying to gather himself. Debrief then. “It wasn’t anyone in particular I just thought… I don’t know. It wasn’t safe. We weren’t.”
Sofila sighed softly, her head rested on his shoulder. Her fingers intertwined with his.
“Well, right now, we are safe.” She kissed him on the cheek before moving away. “We should wash our hands.” Sofila got up from the bed first and unlocked the door with her free hand that didn’t touch his injured and made her way over to the kitchen.
Assumed that Cole followed her, this reminded her of something. She turned on the water.
“Why didn’t you tell me your neck was injured…? At the beginning of the mission I mean.”
Cole had followed, waiting for her to be done and leaning beside the sink. His eyes was still on the room around them. Checking. He believed her but it didn’t shift the feeling.
He looked toward her when she spoke though, confusion drawing a frown from him again.
“I would have at the end but it wasn’t worth using resources on. Neither when you did heal it. It was just bruising, for anyone to cause additional damage, they’d have had to still perform the same effort as normal. It caused no risk to the mission.”
Sofila washed her hands as Cole talk and a chill ran down her spine. He… What?
‘No risk to the mission.’ Her hands gripped at the ends of the sink and her knee slammed up against the counter door underneath the sink. She moved away so Cole can wash his hands.
She was too tired to handle this.
This was a bad idea. They needed to get more sleep. She didn’t want to argue this karkin’ late.
Oh kriffin’ well.
“Do you even hear yourself?” Sofila asked, exasperated. “When something like this happens it’s… as if- I don’t know. As if you aren’t talking to me. Don’t think of yourself like that, it’s not a waste of resources, I can recharge and so would Hector. He has the ability as well.”
Cole had moved to the sink, noticing the reaction but.. Don’t think of yourself like that. Like what?
He washed the blood away, tentative over his knuckles still. The scrapes were gone but it still hurt.
Hear himself? He was just explaining what-
Cole turned the water off, frowning. The water drained, leaving the apartment silent after.
“It’s what I was taught.”
The words were quiet, not spoken to her as much as to himself. How was so much that he was taught just.. not right outside of his home? His father, he’d worked to keep them alive, it felt unfair to just cast aside his lessons because.. what?
There was no benefit except.. comfort? Cole moved away from the sink, not looking at Sofila. He didn’t want to go through this. But then be better. Was this it? Just… leaving behind everything he’d known?
He bit the inside of his lower lip, waiting to see if Sofila would go back to the bedroom. Should he just go? No. Probably not.
“Taught what? That you aren’t important?” Sofila whispered to him. She found herself leaned against the island and started to sink to the floor. Her hands went to her face and then through her hair before resting at the back of her neck. She… didn’t know what to do. She’s exhausted.
She wanted to help him. But it was all he knew. She didn’t want to rip away who he was but whatever was going on, it wasn’t healthy.
Kark. She just wanted him happy. She remembered when they woke up the next morning after the halloween and her question. Does she make him happy? His voice still echoed in her mind. You do.
Her brows furrowed. She was holding him back. A weakness.
“Cole.” She finally looked at him.
“Do.. do you believe happiness is a weakness?”
The first words Sofila spoke floored him. He didn’t know what to say or do. That- That wasn’t it. He’d just…
But then she continued and Cole spotted her move, her eyes gazing up and he met them.
It felt so wrong to hear, out loud like that. He felt sick.
The words wouldn’t come initially so he just nodded, gaze casting toward the floor. No-
A moment later he tried, to explain, “It’s not that- It’s not that simple. I just.. The things that make us happy are the things the enemy targets. The things that.. It’s not safe.”
Cole raised his uinjured hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“I want to keep you safe, Sofila.”
It went both ways, afterall.
Her throat caught when he nodded. For a moment, she couldn’t breathe. Everything seized up. So she was-
Cole started to try to explain. It didn’t help any. Kark. Why was he concerned what enemies think? That it’s not safe? She… didn’t know what to think. Kriff, she wanted to keep him safe too but, somehow, this was different of her thoughts versus his. And she’s trying to figure out why. Her hands slid down from the back of her neck before they rested on her legs.
She thought she had been helping him. Just like he’s been helping her. She was wrong. She hasn’t been helping him. In fact, her biological father was right. She was a hinderance and nothing. She’s a weakness. To them and now Cole.
Sofila looked away from him, her eyes burned. She stared at the walls of the kitchen before the gazed over back to Cole.
With every energy she had remaining, she kept the emotions down as she got up from the floor. She was getting cold.
“We should get some sleep.” Her hand reached out, she still wanted him to lay with her, despite everything.
She doesn’t want to be alone.
Something was wrong and it was his fault.
Yet, numb as he was, he took her hand and let her lead him back to the bedroom.
Do you even hear yourself?
He’s just a boy-
How many times had Graham told him he sounded like their father? Or a droid.
He let Sofila lay down first before getting in, laying on his but toward her, an arm wrapping around her.
You’ve messed it up again. How long will it be?
Cole closed his eyes.
“I’m sorry.” He breathed, barely audible to himself but knowing- knowing she was hurting. He hadn’t seen it exactly but.. Sofila so rarely just backed down like this.
Sofila was relieved when he took her hand. No protestation or even brought up the stupid couch. Sofila slipped into the bed and turned off the lamp and Cole’s arm wrapped around her. She sighed contently, her arm rested on his and intertwined their fingers.
“Wh-what?” Sofila sounded confused as she frowned. “Why are you sorry?”
For being how I am. For being broken and stupid and for hurting you and-
Cole shook his head, tears burning in his eyes but he blinked them back, scrunching his eyes shut.
Eventually he managed to pick one of the options, “For hiding so much.. I don’t.. mean to but it-” he sighed, adding on in a mumble, “You deserve better.”
“But it was all you knew.” Sofila finished for him. Not even sure if she was right. She heard his mumble and released her grip on his hand before turning to face him. Her hand rested on his cheek tenderly. He can keep his eyelids closed. That’s fine.
“I deserve you. You’ve helped me so much. I just wish you can see that…” She gently pecked him on the lips before scooting down a bit and wrapped her arm around his torso and tucked her head underneath his chin and nuzzled into his chest.
“And Cole? Don’t you ever karkin’ say that again. I meant it when I said strings.”
He tightened his grip, resting his head on hers.
“I’ll be better I meant.. I..” The words stuck. They were there and then he couldn’t.
Cole shifted enough to place a kiss on the top of her head before settling back down. They’d sort it out tomorrow. They needed to talk about a lot and.. work out how to work. This couldn’t keep happening.
Sofila wanted him to keep going. To finish what he wanted to say.
He’ll be better? What… exactly did he mean by that? What did he have in mind? Why was this making her nervous? Was this something she can help him with?
Can she even help him?
But she didn’t want to push. His lips pressed against the top of head and still kept her close. She said nothing else. Soon, his breathing shifted and Sofila was able to relax to fall asleep herself.
Morning came eventually. Neither had set an alarm but it wasn’t long after that time usually passed that Cole stirred.
It hadn’t been a peaceful night. He felt sweaty, strained as if he’d tensed ready to move for hours but hadn’t. Cole hadn’t crushed Sofila at least and he tried to stay still for now. She needed the rest too, though it didn’t look peaceful either. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head again, content to wait as long as she needed.
Sofila lets out a soft mmm when Cole pressed his lips on her head again. She said nothing else but moved to roll on her back and stretched her body. Her hands went to rub her eyes. After a moment of silence, she looked over to Cole.
“I don’t know how to cook. It’s a bit funny. I finally get a kitchen and…” She smiled softly, trying to make small talk. Something at least. “I’ve tried with Buir but uh-” She grimaced, remembering the alarms and burnt smells. She chuckled softly, her hand reached out as she gently ran her fingertips at his arm, letting him talk if he wanted to.
“Oh kark-” Cole shifted, surprised at her suddenly just- talking?!
She was awake??
“I- I could give it a shot. I’m alright at it. Kriff- I thought you were asleep.” He laughed ever so slightly but then the concern filtered in. “You did sleep, right?”
Sofila shifted in surprise too at his words as she sat up, concerned, looking around. Did he see a bug? No, there couldn’t be a bug. Landlord said this apartment was very clean as if, on frickin Port Ol'Val so-
He brought up if she slept. Sofila sighed. “In and out. I… couldn’t stay asleep.” Sofila murmured and quickly changed the topic, “Well what would you like to cook, I can order the stuff and they can be delivered here so we don’t have to go anywhere. Just being melted into the couch for the next few days sounds nice. Maybe few holofilms here and there.”
“…I see why you hate it when I do that.” Cole mumbled, shifting to sit up properly.
“I just do basic stuff.” He listed a few dishes, most of which had a lot of variance to them. It’d be easy to just.. have a mix of what they liked even if it was very simply made. He left it open for Sofila to comment on the initial thing he said or just to leave it. They could talk later, they didn’t have to do it now.
It felt.. odd. Like he was trying to prepare a speech even while his brain still caught up with being awake properly. Where did he start? Did he just explain things or.. How did people talk about stuff like this?!
Sofila was confused when he mentioned about her hating something.
What? Talking this early in the morning?
“It’s not even that early, Cole.” Sofila hummed for a bit. She started to order more though. They needed food. Not just breakfast. And small things. Sugar… salt.. pepper..
“Actually.. you know what. Here.” She handed him the datapad with a smile.
“Order to your heart’s content.” Pecked him on the cheek, “I’ll get the caf started. I have that at least.”
Cole was confused but quickly realised the comment went over her head.
Fair.
He took the pad, raising an eyebrow. Hm. “Sure..”
There was a lot of options. Cole managed to pick out everything he needed and the base essentialls too. Some fruits he’d noticed she liked and a few additional things that went well with.. most dishes. Garlic. He got it dried, in a little pot to save time but couldn’t help but wonder… hm.
He shook his head, moving on. It ended up being a lot but included stuff for lunches, for breakfast. Fresh and some dried. She hadn’t moved in long ago and while Cole didn’t know what Sofila had in for longer storage, it made sense to grab some bits for that too to save her time later. To save her wallet from eating out a bunch too.
Leaving it on the screen to check the full list, he got up to head to the bathroom, passing by the kitchen where Sofila was making the caf and leaving it on the counter, commenting briefly before moving on to handle cleaning up.
“All that should last you for a while. I can teach you how to do the dishes I do, at least.”
Sofila started the machine, thank kriff it’s just a button after getting the filter, grounds, and water. She quickly went to the bathroom to freshen up and made her way back to the kitchen.
A few minutes later, Sofila looked up with a smile and nod.
“Ok- wait what?” She looked at him in shock. Teach her? She felt flattered. He…wanted to teach her a few dishes? She started to instinctively look to see where the smoke detector was so she can turn it off if needed.
He hesitated at the doorway of the kitchen, “If you want to?”
She was looking around, was she.. not interested? It was okay, he just.. hadn’t meant to shove her into it if she didn’t want to.
“Yes! I mean if you are up for it! It’s just….I’m a really bad cook. Ah, found the smoke detector.” She flicked her eyes back to Cole.
“Okay! I’ll look at the list.” She rose her eyebrow at him, wondering why he hasn’t approached into the kitchen. She reached to the datapad and started to look through it.
“Be right back.”
He headed off into the bathroom. To clean up as well as just general morning business. He came back quickly enough, stepping into the kitchen with her then.
Sofila nodded as she smiled noticing something. Her favorite fruits. Kriff.
He was so confusing and a constant puzzle for her. One she may never be able to solve. She became quiet, remembered a part of their conversation. Was that why he never wanted to show affection towards her when they aren’t alone? Because he didn’t want enemies to know? Who were his enemies? Why does he see them everywhere? No. He doesn’t. Does he?
Even hand holding was tense for him. She remembered how his muscles tightened when they were talking to Atty and Marick. At first, she thought it was because of Atty…but now…
She’s not so sure.
Sofila noticed movement and she smiled again.
“Oh. Right.” She turned around and opened the cabinet. Wrong one. It took a few more until she found the mugs. She set it down by the machine.
“I don’t know how much you want or- yea. Here.” She gestured the machine and mug next to it.
Cole came up beside her, taking the mug into his hand and pouring a full mug,
“Thank you.” He said softly, shifting out of the way of the machine. He was fairly sure she hadn’t liked it from before, but still.
He sipped the caf, closing his eyes for a moment before looking toward her, “Does the list look okay? I know I put quite a bit on there but a bunch of it should be good for a while.”
Sofila grinned softly before hopping up and sitting on the edge of the island. “I actually missed smelling the caf in the mornings. You would know if Buir had any sleep or not with how little or how strong it fills the air.” Odd. She never would thought she would associate the smell with home. Now that Cole was here…. In a karkin kitchen, it strangely felt home. Comfortable.
Oh! The list!
“Yea! It looks great! Already submitted but since it’s a lot, it’ll take awhile. We can wait or order breakfast. Up to you.”
“You can order. It gives us time to pack everything away.” Cole nodded.
“I’m glad you like the smell. I.. hope I won’t be that predictable but it’s probably not too bad of a thing. I suppose.”
Sofila pouted for a moment and sighed, fair enough. She shook her head and winced.
“Except if you live with Asani. She…has escalated things.” She wonders how Asani has been. Buirs. Sofila realized she’s been out of touch.
They don’t know about her promotion unless Buir announced it. They don’t know about Serpens calling off the hit. Should she? Sofila looked conflicted for awhile before remembering -
“Oh. Food. Okay.” She ordered simple food for them both and slid off of the island, her feet touching the floor. She made her way to the living room and plopped onto the couch.
Cole frowned but.. should he press?
He took another drink of the caf, wandering to the edge of the kitchen’s entrance and leaning on the doorway.
“Asani, your sister?”
It was a gentle nudge. She could move on if she wanted.
“Mhmm. Kushiban. Remember her from that drug mission long ago?” Sofila asked him while she turned her head to look at him.
“And…us bickering? Yea. That’s normal.” Sofila muttered under her breath.
“Ah, yeah I remember her.” Cole confirmed, moving to sit beside her. He placed the mug on the table in front of them.
“That’s a sibling thing usually but.. You seem bothered.”
“Oh. I realized I haven’t talk to my family in months. Not since…the hospital visit after the first mission to destroy Scimitar’s artifact.” Kriff. Had it been that long? Lillian even longer. She hasn’t seen her in so long. She knew she was at the hospital but because of the tension with Asani, Wulfram, and Lillian… Lillian didn’t visit her in the room. Had they finally sat down and talked about it?
She snorted, knowing her family, no they have not.
“Just family drama stuff.”
“It’s… they’d probably like to hear from you. Even just a call. Not.. right now but at some point.” He felt awkward suggesting it but..
It struck somewhere deep for him.
Sofila nodded, “I will. I just didn’t realize how long it’s been or how much has happened since. Everything is just flying by.”
The door knocked.
“I got it.” Sofila got up and went to grab the food. Made sure she locked the door behind her, she set the food on the dining room table this time.
“It does.” Cole agreed. He looked toward the door on the knock but Sofila had it. Time really had flown. Two and a half years since he came here.
They sat and ate, Cole remembering to pop on one of the films they hadn’t watched, Castle in the Stars. May as well, why they were eating. It was something to listen to while they couldn’t talk.
They finished long before the film did and he leant back, content to let her choose.
Sofila wasted no time to be able to cuddle up to Cole on the couch and listening to Castle in the Stars.
“Thank you for staying with me.” She felt like she had to thank him. After everything and last night … and that fear she felt, she wasn’t sure if he wanted to stay.
“You don’t have to thank me for that Sof.” He responded, frowning softly.
Cole had pulled her close, an arm laid across her shoulders.
“You shouldn’t have had to ask.”
Sofila shook her head, happily to get cuddled closer. “No, it’s fine. I know not everyone is not as outgoing as I am. I know, wanting some alone time is your thing and I sort of felt like I interrupted that.”
*All because I can’t handle being alone. *
Sofila let out a heavy sigh. It was something she was going have to learn and still needed to.
“It’s not always the healthiest.” Cole commented. “It’s better, most likely. I don’t know how long I’d have been wandering about last night even if… Well. I do.” He huffed a bitter laugh.
“It’s fine, really.”
Sofila frowned as she gently took his hand, the one he hurt last night. She kissed the back of it his hand before looked over to Cole.
“You… really don’t remember who you saw?” She was hoping there would be answers. Something to why he was being plaqued by his nightmares.
“It’s not.. who. It’s just that there’s something.” Cole turned his hand, grasping hers in his. His thumb made a gentle circle on the back of her hand.
“It’s never just been one person. It’s just danger and danger isn’t just one person. You can think all the people you worried about are dead and a new one will appear eventually. ” Cole hesistated, frowning after. Did that sound crazy?
Oh. Sofila stayed quiet. She wanted him to feel safe. Not… always in danger. Was that way he always look around? Constantly checking the door at the Voidbreaker? He seemed to be better here, she wasn’t sure if it was because- wait. Why does he seem to be better here? Was it the locks on the door? The Voidbreaker had one hell of a security too…
“So you always feel like you’re in danger?”
“So I do sound crazy. Kark.” Cole raised his other hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Not that you’re calling me that I just-” He sighed deeply. “Yeah. Pretty much.”
“No- Well, yes- but no. Kark.” Sofila sat up and looked at him. “I don’t know, really. You can’t ask me that. You saw my family and …. how I am. How I run first into battle without thinking. Or doing things without thinking. I just wanted to know why you always feel like you’re in danger because I wanted you to feel safe around me. Without having to-” She exhaled sharply as she looked around the living room before back to him, shook her head.
“I sleep with my weapons too. I always think about exits and plans to get out but that’s just it… plans. Preventive. I’m just- I want you to be happy and relaxed around me. I know that’s… hard out there but in here at least.”
He glanced toward the door, prompted on instinct but quickly drawing his gaze away. With so many locks it.. was something of a comfort. The city noises. There was more people but more places to run. Even if he was unfamiliar with Port Ol'val at least it was urban. Not just.. a ship.
“It feels safer here than on the Voidbreaker.” Cole ended up saying, not wanting to lay out the thought process. Kriff it felt pathetic. But it was safer.
“You just don’t know how front lines work. You weren’t taught to not rush so far in you leave a gap behind you. To watch your flanks. That being the front line means staying alive and with those you’re protecting. And I know how my world works. I was taught it and I’ve made the mistake of letting people close without thinking and paid for it. It’s why I check. Why I’m cautious. I trust you now. I have for a while, kark, all you’ve ever done is prove it. That doesn’t mean I trust others.”
Sofila frowned as she tried to figure out why he felt safer here than the Voidbreaker. But she doesn’t say anything. It meant he was more likely to come over. Visit.
Stay with her.
Kriff, she was being selfish.
Anger flared for a second when Cole assumed that she doesn’t know how front lines work.
Anger switched to shocked as he continued. She… didn’t know how to respond. She was friends with everyone, or tried to. Cole had to learn the hard way. Sofila didn’t know how to comprehend or even think that. No one has hurt her like that. Have they? No.
Don’t let this thinking get to her. And he trusted her. Really trusted her. She had no words. She was too tired to argue that because he doesn’t trust others doesn’t mean he has to worry for danger every second.
Instead, she leaned back on him and resumed cuddling.
“I once had a woman approach me at a bar. Both of us barely old enough to be there but she was interested. We went back to where I was staying that night, we weren’t near home. And I woke up to her trying to cut my throat. Wasn’t the only time similar kist happened. It’s.. not unfounded.” He added on after a few moments of quiet between them. The movie still played on but he didn’t want to sound crazy.
Even if he did it. There… Well. There was a reason at least.
Sofila flinched and had to refrain from completely removing herself because she did that to him herself.
“Kark.” Sofila groaned and winced again. She… started to try to remember. Why did she have a knife up against his neck again? With a moment of silence she exhaled slowly.
“You know, maybe we should … stop sleeping with weapons. Even if our nightmares cease. Just to be safe.” Sofila muttered.
Cole blinked, wondering why that would trigger that. It clicked a few moments later. Right. He grimaced. “I.. forgot about that.” He admitted after a moment, sighing. “Maybe. We’ll see.”
The idea set him on edge but maybe it was a step in the right direction. Maybe.
Sofila frowned, “I didn’t! Kriff, Cole, I almost hurt you. I did hurt you. You were bleeding and-” She shuddered, not wanting to think about that.
The talk of blood brought something else she didn’t want to think about. The… vision of him shooting himself. Blood everywhere. Bones and brain matter- Her scream-
Sofila felt sick. She could feel her heart pounded so loudly against her chest. She cuddled up to Cole rougher.
Then finally, a question she wanted to ask last night, “Are you okay?”
“You didn’t mean to. You weren’t seeing me. That’s.. different.” Cole tried to reassure. She was wrapping herself around him again. Distressed.
“No.” He answered, forcbily honestly and biting back to the cover up response. “Neither of us are, Sof.”
He shifted so both arms were around her, shifting in place so he was facing sideways, toward her. He could smell the shampoo in her hair, closing his eyes for a moment. The fruity scent she used had quickly become a familiar comfort. It meant her. Even when she was asking questions she damn well knew the answer to.
Sofila felt her jaw tightened, “I’m fi-” She stopped. She remembered the day he stared at her and wanted her to stop lying to him. They weren’t even a thing yet back thing and those words still stung. She doesn’t want to think about it. She wanted to pretend it never happened as she grimaced.
“… I wish there was a way to pretend that… mission never happened.” Then she laughed bitterly, “In a healthy way I meant.”
“Me too.” He leaned his head against hers. He didn’t mean as it healthily. It wasn’t.. fair. None of it really.
“I’m sorry you had to see that. I shouldn’t have picked that trial, of all kriffing things. Sincerity.” Cole scoffed lightly, before saddening again, “It hurt you as much as me.”
Sofila was enjoying the touches. His head against hers. His arms around her. Everything.
“We didn’t know what was going to happen. Some of the trials weren’t what I thought they would be with their names,” Sofila reassured Cole. She was still remembering things. Struggled to understand some of them. Especially Cole’s. The word choices they both choice. Their actions.
“I almost opened that door and failed you. I- I wanted to take that trial away from you.”
“I heard you scream I think. I couldn’t hear much for a few seconds.” Cole was glad he didn’t have to look at her. “It felt real. I still don’t know if it was just an illusion or not.” He shuddered ever so slightly. The things it had said. That he had said. Admitted.
Do you believe happiness is a weakness. It clicked now. That’s why she’d asked. The illusion had called her out for changing him. Making him weaker. And just after the halloween festival he’d told her. She made him happy. She did both. It made sense but his chest hurt at the thought.
“I meant what I said. At the end. Maybe I’ll be softer but… maybe that’s a good thing.” He frowned then shook his head. Cole couldn’t quite believe that. He could be softer but then she’d get hurt. Or he would. He’d lost so much already. “You don’t hurt me, Sofila. I just know I wouldn’t kriffing know what to do if anything happened to you.”
It was hard to say. To admit it like that. His words had gotten quiet, the fear setting in once more but she had to know. He didn’t know what she thought the night before but hopefully this truth was kinder than what she’d thought. Kriff he hoped so. He felt like he about to jump out of his skin, waiting for the other shoe to drop. For something to happen but… the room stayed the same. The movie was still playing. The murmur of the port’s busy streets still bore through the closed window, barely audible but present.
Sofila grimaced. He… did hear her scream. It was something she wished he didn’t because now he can have it in his memory.
“It really felt real…” She had been shot by it but luckily she had her armor. Cole? Kriff. Her fingertips gently just trace randomly on his arms. The end of Cole’s trial, there was exchange and Sofila didn’t get all of it. Elly was keeping her from going in and she had to calm down.
Sofila tried to remember the words. Cole continued and she couldn’t focus enough to go back in the memory to recollect what he said last that finally ended the trial.
‘You’re wrong.’ She had hurt him. The times she constantly thrown herself in battle. She’s working on it but… she rather take care as much as possible before everyone else arrived. He called out her name when she reached for the lightsaber hilt. Sofila realised she was harming him.
Kriff. She… how- she didn’t know what to say. Words were her never her strong suit. Careful to not harm him while she moved, she positioned herself on his lap. Her knees by his hips. Her hands gently stroked and scratched Cole’s head. She leaned down and pressed her forehead against his, “I don’t know what to do if anything happened to you either… And I almost lost you.” She doesn’t want to think that or even imagine it, but now, thanks to Scimitar, she sometimes sees it when she closes her eyelids.
Her heart hurts. She shuddered at the thought, “Thank you for not pulling the trigger…” Sofila mumbled shakily.
His arms remained around her, holding Sofila close against him. Cole closed his eyes, returning the gentle pressure of their foreheads against each other.
“Thank you for stopping me.” He echoed back, quietly. It had been her entry to the room that had stopped him. Not any hesitation. She had had the right timing. “I was going to. You just shocked me and I didn’t know what to do. I…”
Cole let out a slow breath.
“I thought you’d be okay. You were the only one itd hurt at all and I know differently now but I thought you’d be fine after a few days.” It hurt to talk. He stopped, needing to stop. Too much. They hadn’t talked too much about this, he’d mentioned this before but.. the way he’d cried that say. Kriff. It was all still..
It was pathetic.
He tilted his head down, not retreating from the contact but even with his eyes closed trying to conceal his expression from her.
Sofila didn’t say anything. She let him talk. She was glad that he understood she wouldn’t be okay after a few days. But it made her realise something. He was alone. Very isolated. Sofila can’t be his only friend. She needed to figure out something. Maybe a cookover? With her friends and their spouses? He wouldn’t have to be friends with all of them but maybe he could vibe with one or two.
That was a plan for the future. A next step.
“Are… are you still in p-pain?” Sofila stammered, hesitated to ask him but she wanted to know. She just hopes it doesn’t spiral him down further. She wish she could take it away. It was easy to mend bones and repair organs with the Force but any other pain… she couldn’t help him. She started to stroke back his soft hair and scratching it gently. Then she realised she may have not been clear.
“I don’t mean physical.”
Cole wanted to curl away. He tensed for a moment, considering it on instinct before forcing himself to relax. To breathe and think.
Eventually he just nodded. The words kept sticking in his throat and it felt just.. saying them aloud was worse. Confirming it at all felt awful. She had so much on her plate. He didn’t want to be a weight on her but he didn’t want to lie again. It always led to them arguing and that wasn’t fair either.
Hed reached out to Savran. He was trying but it…
It was all gone still. Even two years later he didn’t know what to do with himself about it. He lost more than just his family that day.
Sofila felt her throat tightened. He was still hurting. And it was something she may not be able to help with. She leaned forward and kissed Cole on the forehead but doesn’t ask questions. Or anything else.
“Okay,” whispered Sofila.
He’s here. That’s more important. One day at a time.
Then a knock echoed into the apartment which caused Sofila to jump out of her skin as she chuckled softly at herself. It took a moment but she figured it was the groceries.
She kissed him on the forehead one more time, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.” Then she slightly pouted in hopes to help with the tension and help Cole to change the topic, “I’m enjoying the cuddles too much.”
He nodded again but he didn’t have any ideas really. It was just.. working it out. But it was a step in the right direction at least.
He did chuckle at her pouting, glancing toward the door.
“Well I best get it then.” Cole hooked his hands under her knees, lifting and with some struggle managing to get up despite being leaned back into the sofa. He plopped Sofila back down, kissing the top of her head before turning to go get the groceries. He still felt off but.. the air was clearer at least.
“Ah, wait, I- Col-” She doesn’t fight as she smiled, her head leaned forwards slightly for him to kiss on her head. She followed because… it was a lot of stuff they ordered. Downside of moving to somewhere and having nothing to bring over, it was going to be hefty at first. Both to the bags and her wallet.
She opened the door, sure enough, there was a lot of bags. Sofila stepped out, not caring what people think of her in her shirt and underwear as she gathered many bags as she could and made her way to the island. She started to feel excited again. New place, new adventures. Even new job.
And even better, Cole was here to help her through.
“I still can’t believe you managed to convience me to apply for that job.” Sofila grinned towards Cole.
Cole scooped the rest of the bags. Between the two of them, they could get them all in.
He was quick to return to the door after getting the bags on the counter, locking it carefully before going to help with unpacking. They’d have to work out organisation.
“I can. You have all the right skills for it” he spoke confidently for the first time the morning. “I would have been in more disbelief if you hadn’t got it.”
“You’re the only one that has faith in me like that,” Sofila muttered under her breath, clear for Cole to hear.
“I mean, I’m good at fighting. We know this. Not so much… sneaking. Thankfully Tali said that’s not always needed. But-” She frowned, wondering how she would handle being responsible for a team when the day happens. Sofila was more excited when they unpacked the bags more. Some of the things she had never seen before or smell. Especially the spices.
“Kark. A kriffin’ leader. Ish. Sorta.”
“You know how to handle people. Learn some tactics, how to actually hold a line, and you’ll be fine in most situations combatative. Everything else is just working with people. The only thing I’m worried about it how quickly you trust but you have help.” Cole shrugged, looking at her.
“Its not faith. Its just confidence. They’re idiots if they don’t see it too.”
Sofila paused in her unpacking as she frowned for a bit. Kriff. Tactics. Holding a line. And was her trust towards people really a bad thing?
“Ah-“ she stopped for a moment and hummed slightly. She got behind Cole, her hands on his waist and she tilted her head down to peck his shoulder and rested her head on his shoulder, “I dunno. My friendliness towards people can’t be such a bad thing. It’s how you got stuck with me.” Sofila grinned before planting another kiss on the shoulder.
Cole continued taking things out of the bags, smiling slightly and pausing only for a moment to look sideways at her.
He wanted to point out her trusting Castor could very well have gotten her killed but… he just shook his head instead.
“I thought that was your eagerness to see me undressed?”
Sofila squeaked in embarrassment. “Oh stars,” she buried her face into his shoulder. How it did not click for her after all that time while she was cleaning his clothes when they met until it was pointed out.
“Why are you bringing that up? I was focusing on wanting to clean your clothes- I mean, don’t get me wrong, I always love to see you undressed- but that’s not the point- At that time I wasn’t even thinking- okay maybe I was a litt- Kriff Cole!” Her cheeks were warm as she puffed them to pout and resumed putting the perishables away first.
He snorted, chuckling after for a few seconds.
“It took you far too long.” Cole said agreeably, “Only a little bit? I clearly wasn’t trying hard enough.”
After a moment he just couldn’t help but add on, “Yknow they were just wet? Right? None of it was even really dirty until you dumped that drink on me.”
“Aw, come on, Cole. I was very focused. When I focus I don’t usually think about other things. And you weren’t hard enough at that point yet-” Sofila retorted. There’s a moment of pause as she finished putting perishables into the fridge.
“Heeeey now, if I recalled, they were a bit muddy when I was trying to climb on y-” She stopped herself when she realized how it was starting to sound. She closed the fridge and pressed her warm face against the cold steel door. Kriff. He was not helping.
“I was a bit distracted at the time. And by the time we got to the hotel I was distracted in another way.” He looked over to her, smiling.
“And then a different way again once you realised. If you had been trying to get me in bed things would have been different. It was the complete lack of intent that made sense that caught me off guard.” He chuckled, “It was a very confusing hour.”
Sofila turned to look at him with a grin. She approached him as she wrapped her arms around his torso. There was still space for them to look at each other.
“So I’m guessing your first impression of me was rather puzzling?” Sofila’s smile remained. Kark.
“How long ago was that? A few months ago? Maybe five? Six? Kriff. So much had changed since then….” She was a student then. Not even part of the Voidbreaker II team. Her brows furrowed. She was more… upbeat then. Careless. Seeking adventures. Not a care in the world.
Now?
Sofila never thought she would be where she was. She removed her arms from around Cole and looked around the kitchen.
She didn’t get far before his arms were around her waist, looking out on the kitchen with her.
“It has.” He said softly. The change had happened quickly but here they were, all these months later. She had an apartment, a role as a leader. He.. was getting better. Going to.
They were making their owns steps forward.
Sofila exhaled slowly when his arms went around her. She placed her arms on his and gently grasped his arms.
She wasn’t sure what to think. So much had passed through her mind. She cleared her throat and shook her head. Now wasn’t the time to dwell on the past.
One step at a time.
“I wonder how long we have we get called again when they find the last artefact.” Then a bit of a pause. “A… are you going to see this through?” She wasn’t sure how he felt about that after… kark. The recent mission was much more rough than the first one in her opinion. Everyone had suffered severly. Zxyl’s body was nearly drained of blood. Hector almost became stone. Cole… her muscles tense at the thought. Savi died for a moment.
Tahiri had to … Sofila didn’t know what was going on but at least the air had cleared up on that. Tahiri had to do what she did. Elly… oh, her sweet child. Scimitar had the nerve to use her baby like that. Rich'ard and Titius. Kark.
“I will.” Cole confirmed gently, feeling her tense against him though and frowning.
He hesitated but slowly, added on, “You should be proud of yourself. You handled your trial well. Even if they went after the wrong fear you still faced down something terrible. I’m proud of you.” The words caught in his throat slightly but it still felt right to say.
Sofila hesitated to speak for a moment. It… felt weird to be praised. “Thank you. I’m glad he used the wrong fear.” Sofila was very relived with that. She… didn’t want to think about her actual fears.
Sofila wanted him not to go to the last mission. How can she approach this? The fact that he went to this one, the ship crash, the bruising at his neck, kriff. The Trial almost got him.
“I don’t know if I want you to go.” She whispered. She cleared her throat. She was terrified at the thought of Cole dying. Herself and Savi had the Force and Sofila guessed that was why they lived despite all odds. That they had the Force.
Cole doesn’t. And it scared her. What if he dies and she tries to heal him and nothing- Her breath caught as she grimaced. Why was she thinking about this?
“I didn’t want you to go before. Remember how that went?” Cole’s voice had hardened in an instant. He wasn’t as committed to the job as she was but neither would he accept her trying to stop him. Not when she would absolutely be there.
“And that was with you actually dying twice and struggling with the aftereffects of the possession as my reasoning.”
It felt unfair to throw it in her face but it was a defence to lay down before she turned and tried to tell him that he’d been in danger. To stop any hypocrisy before she could start.
Sofila flinched at the tone of his voice, “Cole-” Then anger rose when he brought up her dying. Every time it was kriffin’ brought up, she felt like she was going through the sensation again. Her jaw tightened as she pried Cole’s arms off of her and went to the living room.
As soon as she pulled he released her, watching her go for a moment before quietly returning to putting everything away.
Maybe he was too harsh. Cole wasn’t sure but kriff. How could she expect him to stay behind after all of that? Why should he have to recieve the news she’d died? If they just went together then it’d be different. They made it out fine, even if it was close it wasn’t like he’d never been close to death before.
Karking stars. It was too harsh still.
He stayed in the kitchen but called out, tone still strained but less cold, “That was too far. I’m sorry.”
Sofila stopped pacing at hearing Cole. She shuffled her feet and glanced down at it. “No. You’re not wrong.”
Kriff. She was being an idiot. She can’t ask him to stay behind if she wouldn’t do the same if the roles were reversed.
Sofila sat at the edge of the couch as she exhaled sharply and leaned forward, buried her face in her hands.
He admitted he didn’t know what to do if something happened to her. Kriff. She didn’t know what to do if all that was real.
Her hands started to shake.
She knew the answer and it scared her.
I need to get stronger.
Yeah. Deserve that.
Cole winced still despite it. It felt stupid to just stand in the kitchen now the groceries were done so he wandered into the living room, leaning on the wall.
“We made it out together…” He spoke softly, looking at her hands. The way she was sat. “I’ve done this before, where I’ve stayed behind and I lost him. I’m not staying behind without you there too.”
Sofila removed her face from her hands and slightly sat up while slipped her hands between her legs. She grimaced and paused for a moment. Did he mean his brother or someone else?
“.. Graham?” Sofila asked as she turned her head to look at Cole.
Cole nodded.
“Yeah.. You remember that arguement I mentioned we always had? The answer to it karking sucks. I don’t want either of us to be see the other die but at least if we’re together then we both have as much chance as possible to prevent it. No regrets.”
Sofila was quiet before she chuckled. “Yea. It does suck.” She leaned back onto the couch and rubbed her face. If that was something they agreed on…then she can learn to live with it.
“Are you going to stand there all day?” Sofila smiled softly at him.
He smiled ever so slightly, crossing over and sitting beside her.
“I didn’t want to crowd you.” Cole explained, sitting with one leg crossed underneath the other, sending a brief glance toward the door but settling. “We’ll work it out.”
Sofila was going to comment about being ‘crowded’ but he had a point. She did push him away earlier.
“Yea…” She leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Cole asked softly, shifting to get an arm around her.
“For being illogical and getting mad.” Then Sofila sighed softly.
“And being difficult…”
“It’s not like I don’t do any of that. We can work on it together.” He bumped his head against hers gently.
Sofila chuckled softly, “Okay, okay.”
She snuggled up to him.
“I wanted to know something though. When… you finished your trial, you said, ‘strings’. Why?” Sofila was seriously confused to why he said that. She wouldn’t just up and leave him just becaue his illusion shot her and then hims-
Her muscles tensed.
“The feeling that.. the weakness stuff.” He sighed, feeling stupid for struggling to gather his words like this but struggling with it. “That and the illusion shooting at you. Insulting you. I don’t know why it did but with those and then it airing how I was brought up. I know you hate it but it’s…”
Cole sighed, rubbing the side of his face.
“I wasn’t sure if what I am, not just what you see me as, would change things. Not that that’s even all of it. I’ve done evil things Sofila. I’d do them again if I had to.”
For a very long time, she said nothing. Just the sound of their breathing and the busy street hum outside of the window. It wasn’t that loud. Being on top floor had it’s perks.
She gently grasped his hand that was around her and kissed it.
“Through thick and thin, Cole. We’ve only been together for a little bit and we’ve been through so much. We’ll constantly learn about each other as we go. And….” She turned her head to be able to look at him sideways.
“We had this… talk. That you’ll do what you need to do with the Children of Mortis that took over your old home base. You…. couldn’t promise me anything but you did say you will try avoiding pulling others into crossfire and I appreciate that.”
“I know.” He watched their hands, fingers gripping onto hers. They still hurt a little but punching duracrete did that. “And I will try.”
There was an awkward pause before he pressed on, finishing the answer to the question. “That was it, really. It’s hard not to worry about it. It didn’t help I could barely think, I’d describe it but you know what you had to heal.”
It was sheer determination that had allowed him to walk out of that room.
Sofila grimaced and nodded softly. She… had done a lot of healing that day. Each of them was different and unique.
They all were rough. She really needed to get stronger.
“I’m glad you passed. I’m glad you got out.” She gently squeezed his hand.
“Anything else I should know?” Sofila brought up. They were here now. Might as well.
“Probably.” Cole laughed slightly, bitterly. “Any questions you had that you never felt you could ask? That might be easier than me just telling my autobiography.”
“Well that’s not fair.” Sofila withdrew but only to turn to look at him. She reached to his hand closest to her and gently grasp it.
“How can I ask questions that I never felt I could ask? Kriff. I don’t even remember what I ate this morning.” Sofila sighed as she tried to think of any questions. She had so many.
And so few.
“You fought Trevor. What happened?”
He interlaced their fingers, shifting to sit properly as she thought. Then- Oh what a first choice. Cole grimaced, looking away. Well. This was not going to go well. There was a reason he’d hesistated when it originally came up. He’d offered though, it’d go however it went.
Cole’s gaze landed on the coffee table in front of them, never in one place as it always was but remaining around there. It was easier.
“It was because about a week after Graham died, or.. around a week.” They’d been such a blur, of blur and activity and anger. Disbelief and utter horror. “He called me to his office. I didn’t know why. It was the first time he’d called for me since it happened but it wasn’t unusual for that- anyway I went and-”
He inhaled deeply, anger surging just at the thought of it. Even five years later, kriff.
“My father put the footage of what happened on. I was still back in the room Zuza ran from, I didn’t follow because I didn’t want to see them fight. I knew it was going to happen and I-” Pause. Refocus. His tone evened somewhat, the emotion draining from it as he forced himself to calm. To finish the story. “Zuza was my responsbility so I had to see her actions. He debriefed what occured. As soon as the recording ended I left. A few days.. maybe a week after that I just lost it. Went to where we had dinner and he was usually early to set up. I almost beat the kist out of him but I hesistated. He managed to get an advantage and pinned me. He didn’t say a kriffing word, he just let me go and acted like it never happened.”
He managed to keep the hand with hers still, though his grip tightened. The other curled into a fist, trying to contain it.
Sofila still held his hand, her thumb gently stroked the back of his hand while she listened. Sofila’s jaw tightened but she said nothing else.
What kind of kriffin’ parent would make their child watch their own sibling die? What the kark!? Of course Cole didn’t want to see them fight. Suns, if Asani and Cole fought, she would try to stop it but in that situation… she- what would she do?
Kark. It’s not Cole’s fault who he was now. It was all how he was raised. Something he was constantly reminding her. All he was taught.
She said nothing. How…. what can she even possibly say? After rattled around her brain for a while, there was something she could at least say.
“He was wrong to show you the footage.”
And he was wrong to raise you the way he did.
Cole closed his eyes. It was strange yet.. gratifying to hear. To have it confirmed to his face that it wasn’t okay. That he wasn’t overreacting or out stepping in what he did. No one had ever said that but a silence was powerful. His father hadn’t held it against him but it wasn’t approved of. It was emotional and childish. He’d felt like a child, pinned against the floor struggling. Eventually tiring to a point he couldn’t and just laying there. Defeated. There was one thing though…
“You weren’t the only one to think that. I-” He laughed ever so slightly, opening his eyes again and looking at her for a moment before straightening his gaze again. “I’m fairly sure it was the only time I’ve heard Corvo yell at him. Corvo was… Like his brother. With our mother gone- she died.” Cole stumbled slightly over it, not so noticably but there. “He helped my father out and us. He didn’t always approve but he never yelled like he did then. I barely heard it through the floor.”
Sofila was glad that they did have someone to go against Trevor somewhat. How much had Corvo succeeded? How much was the boys spared?
His mother died? Kark. She had been wondering where she was and he never mentioned her so she thought maybe she left or died… Died seemed so much worse.
“I’m glad someone stepped in.” She wanted him to remember that thought. That Cole was right and Trevor was in the wrong.
Then the next heavy question, “How did your mom die..?” Her voice was soft.
Hed nodded slightly though.. a part of him wanted to protest and defend. It hadn’t always been like that. Cole caught himself in time for her to continue.
Ah.
“Giving birth to me.” It was blunt, he winced, continuing to try and explain properly at least. “I don’t know the details but they couldn’t get her to a proper hospital in time. There was too much bleeding.”
Sofila grimaced. Kark. That’s very rare for it to happen now a days but it doesn’t mean it can’t happen. Would their lives been different? Worse? Better? Or maybe, even the same?
“I’m sorry.” She gently wrapped her arms around his arm and leaned against his body.
“You can ask me questions too, you know.” Sofila smiled towards Cole gently, wondering if he even had any for her.
“Not really the one to say sorry to.” He sighed. It had been Graham and his father whod lost someone they knew. If.. Well. Anyway.
Questions.. hm. She had always been a pretty open book. He knew why she was afraid of storms and that when she was twelve wulfrum had taken her in already. So..
“How did you end up with the Armis clan?”
Sofila grimaced at the memory and was quiet for a moment before she exhaled slowly.
“I was walking with my fam-” She stopped. They weren’t her family. “I was walking with them. I was warned … I think once or twice to be quiet. We were at a faire of some sorts. I saw a booth had books and got excited. I forgot about their warning. Serpens decided he had enough. He dragged me to a food booth and-” Sofila grimaced, her grip on his arm tightened. She cleared her throat.
“His plan was to cut out my tongue and sell me into slavery. Then Buir came in. Shot his men first so I can be free. He shot Serpens in the stomach. I… was too busy crying to remember the rest but Buir slammed his face into the grill as well and a few other injuries. Officials were coming so Buir picked me up and took me away.” She still remembered everything very vividly. The smell of burnt flesh. Her cries. Even Castor’s protest against his mother’s grip as she was leading the rest of the children away.
Onto the grill as well.
Cole pulled her closer again. She liked the contact and seemed to seek it when things were bad. This… was right.
“I’m glad he did. You didn’t deserve that for being excited. Kriff. You were a kid.”
Oh. Oh… he paused, in a natural place to stop anyway but… oh.
Sofila relaxed slightly when he pulled her closer towards him.
“You were too, Cole.” Sofila pointed out towards him. Sure, she didn’t know the age he was when he fought Trevor but everthing else? First kill at eight? Torture at kriffin’ twelve? She got a list and she was prepared to use them.
“How old were you?” He asked softly. It didn’t really matter yet… He was curious.
Her comment pressed on the realisation he was having. It was uncomfortable. Cole was uncomfortable. He felt her relax though, at least he was doing something right.
Sofila frowned. This one.. she actually doesn’t really remember.
“Eight or Nine. Maybe ten? Buir would remember more than me. When your birthday hasn’t been celebrated you… sort of forget.”
“Kriff. They…” He clenched his jaw, glaring at the wall for a moment before turning a softer expression toward her. “When is your birthday? We’ve never talked about it.” He shared his after, the date having already passed earlier in the year.
Sofila opened her mouth and then closed it. She frowned.
“I… could ask Castor, see if he remembers. As for Buir and others, we just celebrate the day Buir came and got me. When I got a family.” She informed him the ‘birthday’ that the Armis family celebrates with her.
Sofila frowned as she gently took his hand and kissed the back of it. “I’m… still worried. Why would Serpens call off the hit?” She had never been worried the whole time when she did have a mark on her back. Odd that removing it got her more on edge.
“Best case scenario would be him dropping a needless vendetta against you just for kriffing existing. Worst case, he has another idea in mind and is trying to give you a false sense of security so you more easily fall into it.” Cole laid out, sighing. “And it’s up to you if you want to find out your original birthday. We can celebrate whichever one means the most to you.”
“Best case sounds lovely…” Sofila muttered but she wasn’t sure. Last she heard from Castor, Serpens was pissed that she got away and that he got his face burnt in the process.
Even though Karma had handed him that platter.
Her facial expression softened when Cole brought up about her birthday. With a grin, she gently scratched his beard, “You’re amazing, you know that?”
He leaned into her touch. It felt nice, though that area of the stubble was patchy.
“It’s bare minimum Sofila. I’m glad I can make you happy though.”
He just hoped that she didn’t lean into the best case idea. It was best to be on guard until Serpens was dead.
Sofila’s smile became brighter as she slid her hand to his head and give gentle scratches.
“You really do make me happy, Cole. I just hope I show that or express that well for you to know.”
He looked into her eyes and smiled slightly, almost shyly.
“You make me happy too. I’m.. not good at showing it but you do. I meant it, whatever.. issues I have alongside that.”
Sofila’s smile brightened when he gave a small grin. Kriff. She never want that to go away. It’s one of the reasons why she doesn’t mind when he tease her cause he would do a specific smirk.
And being teased was fun
“You are. I just.. need to notice the small things better.” She kissed him deeply.
He leaned into her lips, the arm around her pulling Sofila closer against him as his other hand raised to her burned cheek. Cole added a slight pressure.
When they finally withdrew, he exhaled softly, “I love you.”
It felt terrifying to say but she already had. It was okay. Cole met her gaze, intense but.. gentle.
Sofila’s breath caught. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t expect it from him. Not this soon.
You are nothing. Her breath became shaky when she can hear them in her head. Her hand went up to his that was on her cheek and squeezed it tightly. Her hand moved his away so she could cuddle closer to him. She shifted and was on his lap.
Worthless. A thing. You’ll never be loved.
Sofila didn’t want to hear them anymore. Cole’s arms wrapped around her and she relaxed. The voices stilled. He pulled her close to him. Her hands at the side of his face. His eyes said everything for her. Those simple words he just said, he really does. He meant it. Those three words.
Those kriffin stupid three words meant everything.
I am something. I am worthy. I am loved.
“I love you too…”
She’d said it once but hearing it again, he felt lighter. He kept one arm around her waist, the other she’d shifted moving to hold the back of her neck. Cole leant his forehead against hers smiling for a moment. Briefly but true.
He didn’t deserve her but he’d do his damn best to get there. She was worth getting better for. To see her smile like this again and again.
Cole shifted slightly, meeting her lips again. There wasn’t much in the way of words to say, he just wanted her close. To show her even though he’d just said it.
Sofila returned the smile when he did so. Kriff. She never wanted him to stop smiling. His chuckles, even when he teases the kriff out of her, was worth everything they had been through. She wanted to always hear it and see his smiles.
Sofila kissed him deeply, no aggression behind it. Just gentle and passionate. Several moments went by and she pulled away and exhaled softly.
Then she started laughing. A very gentle melodic laugh.
“I never thought I would be here. Ever.”
“Yea.” Sofila pecked his lips before leaned down and rest her head on his shoulder. She shifted her legs a bit to keep the weight off of him and not become too stiff.
“I really like the adventure we are on.” Sofila grinned, realised that it sounded childish but she didn’t care. She felt sleepy. She hadn’t slept well and now with everything that they had shared and talked about, she was extremely relaxed. Safe. Secured.
Cole leaned back slightly, so she could settle more comfortably as could he.
He leaned his head back, giving her space but also glancing toward the door a final time before leaning on her head and closing his eyes. He’d slept decently, as decently as her ever did, but he was content to settle. At least for as long as she would for.
“We’ve got each other.”
Sofila exhaled slowly. Her eyes closed.
“We do.” She can spend the rest of the day likes this. Screw eating. She rose her hand and gently traced the scars on his chest with her fingertips.
“I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. Can’t we just do this forever?”
He could feel the trail of her touch, over bumps and divots.
“We’d have to stop everything else.” Was Cole’s soft response. They’d have to let Serpen’s go unchecked. The Children of Mortis within his home. It was a nice thought but he couldn’t imagine stopping. Not right now.
Sofila let out a small hum before, “Tempting.” But she knew she wouldn’t stop. She wasn’t the kind to. Scimitar had to be stopped. Serpens was either planning something or let her go. Cole… his home. She was going to ask about updates for that but figured since they just got home yesterday, it wasn’t the best time.
The thought of asking him to move in crossed her mind but he finally said those three words and she didn’t want to impose on him. She hated the thought of this apartment, empty and quiet.
“You’re right. We can’t stop everything.”
“Maybe some day we can stop but.. Not right now. Maybe that’s a plan? You asked once, if I had any.” Cole poked, smiling ever so slightly though it was sad.
All of his long term plans had collapsed so entirely it was hard not to worry that it would again. Certainty in anything was dangerous.
Sofila smiled. “Maybe. It sounds quiet nice.” She doesn’t know if she can. She liked being on the move. She liked working. Although… her fingers stopped moving for a moment. Might as well bring it up and see his thoughts on the matter.
“I will admit. Very little things can have me stop. Having kids is one of them.”
Cole opened his eyes, shocked slightly but then… no that made sense. She loved being around kids.
“I.. haven’t ever properly thought about it.” He admitted softly, thinking as he spoke to try and make up the gap but it was such a wide topic and kriff- “Only that I wouldn’t want them raised like I was which well, it wasn’t happening any time soon back home. I was going to wait, until it was safe. I’d say the same now. I’m not being hunted anymore but as long as Serpens is around… no.”
It seemed a sensible point to fall to. One that gave time to the idea.
Sofila frowned. Cole never thought about kids? Kriff, what if he doesn’t want any? As he continued, fears washed away and she was relieved. Sofila pulled back enough to look at Cole. “I don’t mean anytime soon… I was thinking a year or so. It’s too soon now, I agree.” Then she smiled, evidently excited.
“Kriff. Now I’m impatient. But this…it’s worth waiting. I can wait,” Sofila beamed.
“Once its safe.” Cole intoned, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. “We’ve got a lot to do if that’s on the plans.”
Hed need to get better. For real. To have a life, friends. To be stable and to be ready to raise a whole other person. Kriff the idea was terrifying but with her.. Itd be less so.
Sofila gently kissed back and nodded in agreement. “When it’s safe.” She didn’t want to raise a child or children with Serpens and maybe her brothers, still around.
Not to mention their jobs. It was a bit dangerous. Not a safe place for a child. Part of her wanted to protest, that many others they both know had children and it’s fine.
The other part of her, even though she loves children, the thought of having a kid now does worry her so it’s worth waiting. Her hands gently stroke his hair and scratched it.
“Okay. My legs are killing me.” Sofila laughed as she climbed off and stood, stretched with her hands reached to the ceiling and stood on her tip-toes.
Cole chuckled, shaking his head and shifting again. The scratches had felt nice and he’d leant into them before she got up.
He watched her as she stretched, enjoying the view but remaining settled down.
“I dunno, I quite liked that.”
Sofila grinned as she was back on her heels. She leaned down, one hand on the arm of the couch and the other at the back by his head. Her lips were close to his.
“I did too. The bed would be more comfortable for cuddles.”
Cole leaned forward and closed the gap, stealing a kiss from her.
“It is.” He murmured against her after, considering it. Sleep or food or other things? The option were plenty.
Sofila kissed back and leaned back and away some more, teasing slightly.
“I should really get started on the laundry. The longer they are there, the worse it’ll be.” She straightened up then glanced at the time. Wow. They had been cuddling that long?
Best day ever.
“And I suppose I could make us some lunch. We’re potentially a bit past breakfast now from the look on your face.” Cole commented, grunting slightly as he shifted to get up. Other than his hand, he wasn’t in pain still but he was achey. Everything felt like a lot more effort, though other than the noise there was little indication in his movements of it.
Sofila grinned as she brought up her hand, her pointer finger and thumb about an inch gap between them, “A bit past.” Her brows furrowed at Cole’s sounds. His movements seemed stiff. She thought she healed him fully. What did she miss? Did she mess up?
“Are you-” She stopped herself, remembering how much it bothered him when she constantly asked if he was okay. She cleared her throat and instead asked, “What are you going to make us?”
He noticed the frown, more so the way she stumbled over the sentence, as if to ask something else but switching lines half way through the thought. She was fidgeting too, angsty. Hungry, likely considering he was and she ate less than him. Bags under her eyes.
Yeah, he was feeding her and then he’d sit in bed and cuddle while she slept. Cole could always check up on news with his data pad for something to do. She needed to take care of herself.
“I was thinking pasta salad. Filling but still healthy. Should do us some good.”
“Never had pasta salad. I’m willing to try it!” She grinned as she made her way to the laundry room. Once she started the washing machine, curious, she made her way to the kitchen to watch Cole. While he’s waiting for the water to boil and if it’s okay, she wrapped her arms him and kissed his neck.
“Maybe later we can take a nice hot bath with epsom salt, hmm?”
He made her wait until the pasta was in and he had a minute but he tilted his head to give her access.
“After a nap maybe, we showered yesterday so it’s not urgent. Later though and you have my attention. Salt, though?” Cole added on the latter bit after a moment, curious to the idea. He hadn’t heard of it before.
Sofila grumbled when he mentioned after a nap. She didn’t know he was planning that.
“I’m okay though. Might sleep better tonight if I don’t nap.” Sofila grinned as she kissed his neck again. Though, she wasn’t sure if that was true.
“Mhmm. Heard it helps with muscle aches and bruises, things like that. Soak in it for a while I believe and it’s supposed to help.” Sofila shrugged. “I’ve heard it from others that gets to have a bathtub and now I have one so…”
“Sounds like a plan then. I’m still pretty rough.” Cole commented, replying to that first before sighing away a little to tend to the food again.
“And you might be okay but I know you didn’t sleep well. Even if I didn’t…” He turned, meeting her eyes and checking again, that yes she did look that tired, “I can see it in your face Sofila.”
Sofila moved away to give him space and leaned back against the island. She frowned a bit and glanced down towards her foot. She noticed movement from Cole and looked back up at him.
She glanced away from his eye contact when he brought up that he can see it in her face.
“I just don’t want to sleep,” she whispered.
“I know.” He responded softly, “It’s not like you haven’t found me hanging around two days into trying to avoid it. You were very insistent on me sleeping anyway on those occassions.”
He strained the pasta out, leaning back to avoid the steam going into his face.
“I’ll be with you. If there’s anyone who gets it, well. I’ve gotten better than.. some points in the past. My old room had scorch marks I had to scrub off on the walls. Not that anyone ever came in but… I get it.” Cole finished with a heavy sigh, leaving the pasta to cool a little while getting the parts for the rest ready inside of a dish.
Sofila doesn’t look back at him as he took care of the food. She started to rub the palm of her hands roughly. He’s not wrong. Of course. If anyone can get it, it was him. She still… didn’t want to.
Her lips curved upwards very little into a weak smile.
“Okay.” With Cole being there… it does make things easier but she still hated it. She glanced back up to watch Cole and realized, she was enjoying watching him. She never pegged him to know how to cook. Sofila knows she had tried and it does not go well.
It was a small relief, the agreement. Hopefully she didn’t have a bad time of it, not as bad as she thought she would but… Well. After everything they’d just been through Cole wasn’t going to try and promise anything.
Once the pasta had fully cooled he dumped it into the dish, mixing it with the rest of the ‘salad’ along with some additional spices from the drawer. It was odd, how focussed he got trying to work out which ones would be best without much heat to dampen them but enjoyably so. It was nice. He was soon finished though, grabbing a pair of bowls and spoons and holding one of each out to Sofila.
“All done. You can get however much you want, if there’s not much left after we’ve eaten you still have leftovers in the fridge too.”
Sofila grabbed the bowl and spoon that Cole handed to her. She looked at the pasta salad. How odd. It was supposed to be cold? She was expecting something hot. Hmm. She put in a few spoonfuls into the bowl and went to the dining room table and waited for Cole while poked the pasta salad with her spoon. When he slid to the opposite side, she took a bite and let out a hum in approval.
Cole looked up when she made the noise, relaxing slightly again at her liking it. It was about as simple as it got meal wise but it worked. He was glad.
With that note of contentment, Cole settled to eat his.
Sofila finished her bowl and let out a small grumble when she realized that it made her feel heavier. Maybe a nap wouldn’t be so bad. Then a smile.
“It’s really good. I never… thought this kind of thing would be good. I guess I always thought of pasta as warm.”
“Usually is but it works. It’s easy to make if you don’t have much time to mess around cause you can pre cook the pasta even.” Cole commented, finishing his a few moments later and shifting up off of the bench, taking her bowl with him to rinse them.
“I’m glad you liked it.”
“Oh. Thank you.” Sofila got up herself and went to put the clothes from the washer to the dryer. After a few minutes and messing with the controls, she figured it out and started the dryer. Well. She told Cole she would try to nap so she should do so.
Sofila made her way to the bedroom and sat on the edge of her bed. She grabbed her datapad and started to pick a video for her to listen to while she tries to sleep.
By the time she’d picked one Cole was reentering the room, the dishes clean and drying.
He sat down on his side of the bed and shuffled a bit closer. This was a nap for her more than him so, her comfort was the priority. If he slept then that was good but Cole doubted he’d drift off properly. He laid down beside where she was sat, quietly waiting with an arm ready to shift to cuddle.
Sofila picked Song of the Sea. She smiled when Cole laid down by her. Once she set the datapad on the nightstand, she snuggled up to Cole.
“You… don’t have to be here. You can go to the living room or something.” She didn’t want him to feel bored or achy over time being awake while she sleeps.
“And do you want me to do that?” Cole asked, raising an eyebrow as he pulled her closer, getting his arms around her and snuggling down with the blankets over both of them.
“Well. I’m not going to lie, no but-” She grumbled softly into his chest. She doesn’t say anything else as she listened to the music of the video. With Cole’s touch and comfort, his smell even, the soft music of Song of the Sea, it wasn’t too long before Sofila fell asleep.
It was peaceful and quiet. The street hummed with activity and Sofila’s breathing was deep and slow. After awhile, her breathing had started to increase as if running or fighting, sweat started to form on her body. Without warning, she snapped her eyes open and attempted to grab Cole’s arm to roll him onto his belly and pin him down.
Cole shifted, feeling the way she tensed and already moving. Even if it had woken her up from nothing, instinct had kicked in for him. A flash of panic but mostly practised ease as he pulled back and away, putting space between them and getting to the other side of the bed, sliding his legs off.
He remained leant on the bed, to be close enough to stop Sofila from hurting herself but Cole wanted to her space and the time to come back to her sense. He called out, firm but low.
“Sofila, it’s Cole.”
Sofila slid off the edge of the bed, her eyes looking around and her hands were clench into fists. She can feel the sweat tickled at the back of her neck and Cole’s voice cut through the darkness-
She took a double back. It wasn’t dark. There was still lights from the buildings and the street below. Flashes from speeders can occasionally beam into the room. Sofila’s body turned sideways as she looked around. She… wasn’t fighting. With a sharp exhale, she immediately look to Cole, she was scanning his body for any red marks or bruises.
“You didn’t catch me.” Cole said, spotting the clarity in her gaze and crossing around the room over to her, pulling her into a hug.
He didn’t have words, but he could hold her.
Sofila gasped and buried her face into his shoulder as she hugged him tightly to her.
“I’m still sorry… Kark.” Her brows furrowed as she started to try to recollect the dream.
“Id rather you weren’t.” He responded, kissing the side of her head and holding her close.
Shed talk when she was ready.
Sofila exhaled as she held him and he just… he’s here. He didn’t cuss her out, or run off. He’s here.
I am worthy.
“I was fighting her. Me?” She stopped herself. What… usually her dreams had been about her biological family, anything in between, Cole getting hurt, or Scimitar not…. herself.
“You?” Cole queried. Prompting her to continue but trying to not overload. A quiet presence, guiding but.. he didn’t want to press.
They had time.
Sofila stayed quiet. Her head was leaned down and resting on his shoulder. She… was trying to figure out. Recollect. She couldn’t remember everything.
“I.. don’t remember everything. I remember fighting… thinking it was someone bad. Like… Serpens or Scimitar. Bad. But then it was me? Then-” She exhaled sharply, she was glad Cole got out and didn’t get hurt because of her again.
“And then?”
He rubbed her back, making slow circles.
“Then your voice.” Sofila’s arms around him relaxed but still kept him in the hug, just not as tight as it was earlier.
“I woke up. Or I was already awake. I’m not quite sure.”
“You woke up. Your eyes weren’t really focussed at first.” He kept rubbing, glad she was steadily relaxing.
“Nightmares can be weird. Lot of our worries in them.” He murmured.
“Or memories in them too.” Sofila softly muttered. She starts to gently scratch Cole’s back.
Cole nodded. He shivered slightly initially, to his own surprise as well. It had… been a while and the reaction was unexpected. It felt nice though and he closed his eyes.
“Yeah. That too.”
Sofila enjoyed the rubs as she scratched his back gently. After several minutes had passed, she exhaled softly and pulled away. Her hands slid to his sides.
“I should fold the clothes from the dryer before I forget. Or they can stay there for days,” Sofila chuckled and wait for a moment, to see if he would let her go or had other things in mind.
“Go on then.” Cole let her hands rest on her sides, kissing her for a moment before withdrawing to finally put a kriffing shirt on. His was on the floor still from where he’d discarded it the night before.
Sofila returned the kiss and gave a small pout before she headed to the laundry room. She opened the door and grabbed a few clothes. Then she noticed that there was keys and… something on the shelf. Oh. This wasn’t hers. Her eyebrow rose at the round item and picked it up. There were scratches. Chips around the edges. Kriff. How old was this little thing-
She grimaced at the blight blinding flash. A man screaming into her ears. It was blood curling. Sofila winced as she looked around. He was in pain. He needed help. What the kriff- Another scream. She was watching a man whipping a familiar male that was chained to a post. Black hair. His skin- wait- no. The man holding the whip spoke, something about codes. Sofila, without thinking scrambled and ran to front of the post. His head was lowered and he was panting. There was dried blood on the post and dried blood everywhere. Then his head rose.
Icy blue eyes. He looked younger but this was no doubt, Cole.
“No! Stop! Stop,” snarled Sofila. She ran to tackle the torturer but fell to the floor instead. A flash. She gasped, frantically looking around. Wait. Cole was free? Go. Cole, go! Move! Sofila’s brows furrowed and she watched him hesitated after two steps. Then he took three steps back **into* the room. No. No, this was not happening.*
“Cole! What are you doing!? GO!” The man with the whip had returned.
“You should’ve run.”
Sofila cried out for Cole while on the floor of the laundry room, in fetal position as her hands held together and close to her chest.
Another flash-
*Another building. This time it was lighter, more open but Cole was armoured, crouching on the floor beside a doorway with his blaster, a silencer on the end of it, aimed out. There was a gap in the door he was using. There was blaster fire downstairs. Screams and yells echoing from below.
His expression was cool, unchanging. The face was still younger, only one scar marring his face. Sofila watched as the Human fired into someone’s ankle. They screamed, additional footsteps following.
Cole kicked open the door, hitting a third but in one easy sweep killing the downed man and the first person that tried to help them. The one who got hit by the door fired but Cole’s armour absorbed the blast, receiving their own killing blow a few moments later.
He walked over their corpses, expression still even as more footsteps followed. Cole made it to the stairs, ascending them and waiting at the top until a small group was about to follow the Farrow before dropping a grenade, held for few seconds, onto them from above.
Cole turned as it exploded, moving on his expression unchanged. He was calm, focussed. This was where it was natural for him to be.*
-
Cole heard the scream from Sofila, already across the apartment in a matter of seconds and at her side. He’d been expecting some kind of assailant, or something wrong or anything but she was just crouching there. Had Sofila been injured on the mission and not healed herself, not told anyone?
“Sofila?!” There was no response. She was just holding something and curling up, seeing something. Panic fluttered through him, “Come back.”
She needed to let go, that was what she was curling round. Maybe-
Sofila winced and glanced down at the corpses when Cole stepped over them. His expression was cold. She had seen him mad and killed but this one was different. His icy blue eyes sent a chill down her spine.
‘Let go.’
Cole was waiting for something. She glanced down the stairs and watched him get a grenade. Was this what she looks like when she kills too? Just derived of emotion? No. This… no. This wasn’t Cole anymore. It’s not his karking life anymore.
’Let go!’
She finally did. Sofila scrambled back on the floor and away from Cole, her breathing heavy and her body was shaking. What the kriff was that?! What just happened?!
Cole kept himself calm, forcibly. He was scared but so was she. There was no need to show that until she was calmed herself. Shed just worry about him. Expression carefully kept even, he remained crouched where he was, looking down at what she’d been holding.
His credit chit?
Only more questions were raised. Why did she react to thie? Hed left it in here but he’d had this for years, why-
“Sofila?”
Sofila couldn’t look at him. She stared at the floor. She needed to focus. The pictures were vivid in her mind still. The lashes after lashes. His screams. Why- why didn’t he run? The pain- she choked back a sob. She needed pain. She needed something to help her focus. Her right hand went over her thigh and she scratched roughly, her wrist grabbed along with her other.
It worked. The burning sensation on her thigh. She finally looked at Cole and slightly recoiled, for a moment he was younger. Colder. Those icy blue eyes could’ve belonged to Death itself. The pain on her thigh helped her focus and clear her mind. His face changed back to him now but not those eyes. She yanked her wrists in defense but his grip was firm. She looked away again.
“Why didn’t you run?” Sofila whispered.
He stilled once more, as if someone had frozen him in place. It felt like it. She was trying to hurt herself and she was asking him that? Why- what the kark was going on?
The credit chit had fallen to the floor, skittering off into the corner.
“Run… What are you talking about Sofila? What happened?”
“I-“ She furrowed her brows. Kark. Even she doesn’t know what happened. She tried to yank her wrists back again.
No avail. She swallowed, “I don’t know.” She never heard of this happening. It can’t be real. She heard of the ability to get pictures and glimpses of the future but never the past. It couldn’t be real. But she knew his body very well. What she saw matched his ba- oh kriff. She started to tremble more violently.
“Y-you were getting whipp-“ she couldn’t even finish the sentence.
The calm in his expression fell away to shock. Cole glanced back toward the chit. Then to Sofila. Shed seen… oh the by stars and beyond. Kriff.
“That happened seven years ago Sof, how..”
Why didn’t you run? Colour drained from his face. He should have run. She shouldn’t know about this. He didn’t want her to know about this. Kriff, Cole didn’t want to think about it. It was a stupid moment, a learning one but it had almost cost him his life. Something Graham hd reminded him of enough at the time.
“How much did you see?”
Seven years ago. Kriff. Are they dead? They better be karking dead.
Sofila heard the question and she glanced away, refusing to answer.
“Let me go,” Sofila whispered.
“Are you going to hurt yourself?” Cole kept his grip for the moment. He’d trust her word but with how quickly she’d swiped at herself he didn’t trust her actions.
Any irritation at being ignored was carefully tucked away. She was in shock and it was a horrible thing to see. Hed give her benefit of the doubt to explain later.
Sofila couldn’t answer that.
“Pain helps me focus and distract.” She grimaced, thought of how that must’ve sounded considering she brought up the memory of him being whipped. Seven years ago. Kriff. Kark them all.
“A building. You- ah, shot someone’s ankle. More than one I think. Someone went to help them. There was screams. You swept the room cleanly and-“ she stopped herself.
“Find something kriffing else Sofila.” It was sharp. Too sharp. He inhaled slowly.
Shed seen something else. Ankle.. it was a trick he’d done more than once. If you struck from low in a loud situation, the help wouldn’t know where the attack came from but someone would usually come help. It was an easy way to draw people out and playing dirty was all part of the game.
“I.. that could be a few times.” He admitted more softly than he had spoken before, watching her carefully yet. He didn’t wince away from the accusation. It was what he was good at, for better or worse.
“Kark you,” Sofila snarled as she pulled back her wrists and extended her heels to kick him away from her.
Cole fell back, letting go of her hands in surprise.
He landed on his elbows, shifting quickly up onto his feet with a deep frown in his face. He just watched her, not sure how to react. How to feel. But neither could he leave her because Cole was not letting her judt rip herself apart to focus. No.
Sofila’s heart skipped a beat when he fell back. She hurt him? She thought he would move! Or get up! Something! Kark. She needed to do something. A distraction. Focus. The burning sensation on her thigh had already faded. She needed another. Her nails dug into her side thigh-
Cole grabbed her wrists again, dragging her up on her feet and pressing her against the wall.
He clenched his jaw. Calm. Don’t lose it now. He wasn’t going to sit and watch this. Kark. They’d had a good day and then-
Kriff his stupid karking-
It was hard to keep control but he held for now. He had to
The Mirialan flailed for a moment, “Get your karking hands off-” She bit her tongue as he pinned her to the wall. Sofila didn’t want to hurt him. She already had. So many times. But she can’t face this. Not right now. He was cold.
And she knew if she went back to certain events in her past, she would’ve looked like a stone-cold killer too. Her face turned away from him, her breathing no longer shaky but now heavy.
Not now. She can’t face this now. Her fists clenched and her nails started to dig. Something. It was something. Focus on that.
Not now.
She needed a distraction. She turned to look at him and it didn’t last long before she leaned down for a kiss.
Cole could see her fingers digging into her palm. There wasn’t anything he could do about it, kriff why-
She kissed him and he shifted back, a sudden sharp movement as if burned. His arms remained out stretched, still keeping Sofila back but putting space between them.
It was the first time she’d kissed him and it hadn’t made him warm. It just felt cold. Forced. Cole didn’t know what to do or say, managing to hold it together but.. hurt. Hed have preferred her to kick him again.
Eventually he just shook his head, muttering, “Don’t do that again. Not like this.”
Sofila chewed her cheek and remained still. She needed to get a handle on this. She turned her head away from his voice…
It’s too late. I’ve hurt him again.
Her head leaned back against the wall and - she had nothing. She was working on calming herself down and trying to understand what the kark just happened with that little thing? And the things she’s seen.
She was failing.
He moved his hands up to hers, trying to see if she’d hold his hands rather than cut her palms.
The silence was choking but he didn’t know how to break it without breaking down as well.
Or.. was that for the best?
Indecision froze him for the moment, focusing on her hands as he debated it.
Sofila’s jaw tightened but her palm opened and she held his hands. Her exhale was shaky for a moment.
“What did they do to you…” Her voice was so low, barely audible.
Cole interlaced their fingers and lowered his arms, not pinning her anymore. Just holding her hands. He still kept the distance, glad she was talking. Glad she was stopping but.. uncomfortable.
He shook his head, “Which who? The ones who did the whipping, that.. was about it. They wanted information. They were offering me to run away, new name and everything if I gave them the information to destroy my family.” His expression twisted, still disgusted at the thought even all these years later.
Not too long after he finished, she gently step forward, unlaced their fingers and wrapped her arms around him. One around his torso and the other at the back of his neck, her hand scratching at the back of his head gently.
“I’m sorry…” She frowned. It was for a few reasons. Mainly, what he had to go through, it wasn’t okay. No one should go through that.
Her eyes gazed over to the floor where the credit chit rested. She closed her eyes and buried her face into his shoulder in shame. The shock was wearing off.
“I don’t even know what happened…”
“They regretted their actions.” Cole spoke, stiff initially in the hug but wrapping his arms around her. It wasn’t another distraction attempt.
“We can work it out. If you didn’t do it on purpose then.. Well. Its not your fault. I’m just.. sorry thats what you saw of all things. It could have shown you a lot happier things.”
Sofila grimaced in his shoulder, her body tensed, “Of course I didn’t do it on purpose.” She cleared her throat to remove that defensive tone. She had an idea. It might help. Something. He wouldn’t let her scratch just a bit. Or distract.
“Could you tell me a few happy things?” It might lessen the tension between them. Kriff. She karked up.
Cole hesitated, thinking.
“Me and Graham used to fight all the time but it was uh, friendly. He’d run up sometimes and end up falling over cause I’d hear him coming. I’m not quite that quick now but he never expected me to know he was doing it.” Cole smiled slightly at the memory though it was bittersweet. What else?
“When I turned 18 he took me out for the first time to get drunk, I don’t think he thought I’d already done it before. I had, just with some of the others when he’d been on mission a few months before. He was pretty shocked when I was handling myself fine and didn’t over do it. Reckoned I was lying about how drunk I was and ws trying to get me to sober up while absolutely gone himself. Father picked us up that night and he laughed when he saw how bad Graham was. Asked me what happened and I told him it wasn’t my first time. He took the piss out of Graham, didn’t usually see him joke around but that was a good night.”
Sofila‘s body started to relax as she listened. Her hand at the back of his head still stroked and gently scratched through his hair.
She…didn’t know what to think of their father actually had a bit of fun. Still. She hated the way he raised Cole. Sofila cleared her throat and pulled away, figured that Cole may not want her touch for awhile after that stunt she tried to pull earlier. Her hands rested at his waist for a moment, “Thank you,” before it was by her sides.
“Um. I should fold the clothes.”
“Right. I’ll.. grab these.” Cole gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze, grabbing the chit from the floor and slipping it into his pocket. The fact it held that.. much of him he didn’t like. He’d have to be more careful of where he left it in future. His key to his room on the VB was pocketed too.
“..are you going to be okay?”
He hoped he didn’t need to specify the on her own.
Sofila watched him take the items as she shuffled her feet uncomfortably. Then the question. Her brows furrowed. It’s just kriffin clothes, how hard was It really? Though the way he said it, there was a hidden reason behind it. Did he mean-
“Yea, I’ll be in a few,” she reassured, grabbed an article of clothing and started to fold it.
Cole hesitated before accepting the answer and leaving the room.
He walked back to the bedroom, putting space there before sitting down with a heavy sigh that.. he hoped she wouldn’t hear.
Sofila doesn’t say anything as she finished up folding the clothes. When she was done, she decided to leave them on the shelf for now. She closed the door and turned off the light in the little closet room before she looked over to the living room and frowned. She poked her head in the kitchen and doesn’t see Cole in there. So he was in the bedroom. Was he wanting some space? Wait, it’s not bed time was it?
She swallowed hard and went into the bedroom to grab her datapad. “I’ll be in the living room.” Just to let him know. He doesn’t have to follow or anything especially if he doesn’t want to be with her right now. She just doesn’t want to sit on the couch doing kark all.
Why didn’t you run
Cole had the answer. He’d worked it out years ago and he’d done hi best to manage it. Yet he still jumped at her voice, not hearing her enter the room and instinctively assuming the worst. It was minimal, a sharp glance toward her before he relaxed but with his line of thought it stung that maybe he hadn’t improved thst much. Kriff.
“Sure, I’ll be out in a few.”
Cole didn’t have a reason to sit in here, he just needed to not have eyes on him. Just for a minute.
Not that it matters. She saw. No one else knew but now she does. She knows what you are.
Pathetic
Cole grimaced at the wall, running a hand through his hair, tearing through a tangle.
It was only a few minutes, as he’d said, before he came out of the room. He sat down beside her on the sofa, his own data pad in hand and taking the opportunity to peer through what had happened recently.
Minimal of note in the clan. Minimal he cared for for the Brotherhood as a whole. A new position amongst the Dark Council was the most interesting note but even that did little to effect him directly. Whatever nutter went for it and got it, good luck.
He moved on, peering through other channels more familiar to him while trying to ignore the fact the silence felt as poignant as it did between them.
Sofila’s head rose when Cole entered and there was tension between them. And it’s her fault. She glanced back to her datapad and there wasn’t much news. Which was what she prefers right now. She was certain if there was a mission and Sofila tries to go, Cole would put his foot down. Her brows furrowed. Why would he put his foot down? Slowly, she was analyzing herself. Can recklessness be one? She was always like that.
Maybe it was just too soon after their last mission. They just got home yesterday for kark’s sake. Kriff. She wanted to move around. Do something. She was never the one for just melting into the couch and do nothing for days.
Unable to handle the silence anymore, “Are… are we going to talk about what happened or…” She trailed off, wondering if it’s just a case of forget about it.
Cole paused scrolling, sighing softly.
“I don’t know what happened except that you saw two moments of my past. So unless those are what you want to talk about i can’t really help. The Force isn’t familiar enough to me.”
He wanted to say he didn’t want to talk about either memory but maybe she needed to know. Seeing thst and having no context.. he didn’t know. Was this a boundary to lay down or not? Kark knows.
Yea. She karked up.
“Okay.” She looked back to her datapad and attempted to look busy. Sofila figured that she should leave those memories alone. They were his after all and she never should’ve- Kriff. How aws she supposed to know wthat was going to happen?
The Force likes to be loud when she had spent her life trying to ignore it except when she needed it, then she pays attention. For a moment.
“Do you want to know?” Cole asked after an awkward pause of quiet. “They happened a long time ago for me, it’s not a fresh wound. Kriff, you’ve seen how faded the scars are yourself. I’m okay to talk about it, if you want to.”
He wasn’t sure about the second memory. He still had no idea when that would have been but… Kriff. If it eased her then maybe it’d be worth talking about.
Sofila grimaced. She shook her head. No. If he already healed and move on, then that was good.
“I’m just… still processing. It’s not easy hearing you scream like that.” Her voice started off strong and became more weak towards the end.
Cole grimaced. It was a fainter memory for him in comparison but he could still remember the pain.
He shifted slightly in place, “…I didn’t run because I didn’t know what would be there and couldn’t work out if it was a trap, or a ruse. Would they frame me for taking the offer and force my hand because may as well considering or use me running as a reason to kill me. Turned out the guy realised I’d die before I broke and wanted to give me a chance to choose. It never occured to me that it could have been real. I’ve gotten better about things like that. You’re the only to one know about it apart from the man who gave me the choice.”
With a finite click, he closed the data pad. A title had gone across the screen. The territory back home was in chaos. Whatever had replaced his family was collapsing in the wake of the Children of Mortis loosing their home plane.
It was all a lot to take in.
Her jaw tighten. He.. had a point. Sofila was never the kind to think about traps or a ruse. Especially considered she did almost fell into one but ended up seeing Castor. Kriff. Now that fear still was in the back of her mind to why did Serpens call off the hit?
She glazed down to the datapad out of curiosity and grimaced. Kark. Was it safe to talk about it? Should she even bring it up right now? If Cole wanted to hide it, he would’ve. And they did talk about this. Nothing wrong with updates.
“What’s the update? On your home I mean.”
“Gone to kist.” Cole said simply, shaking his head slightly but leaning back. “It means they’ve lost their hold though. A lot of other groups are fighting over the area. Someone will win eventually. We’ll be helping them indirectly, whoever it ends up being.”
It had occured to him he could pick. He still knew a lot of the names still, one’s who had been friends to them. He could go back, claim revenge and with the backing of that group at least reclaim his home. They’d allow him that, Cole could almost guarantee but it’d be an empty victory. Revenge was enough, then he could go back to staying dead in their view, rather than laying on the bones in plain sight instead.
“It’d be best if they don’t know it’s me. Maybe just enough should see my face so that people will call the place haunted but that might be a bit dramatic.” He chuckled, though it held little true amusement.
Sofila chuckled herself.
“Okay. How do you want to do it then? I’m not sure, are you wanting to do this cause it’s your home or is there something there you want to retrieve? Or do you just want the ability to be able to visit, I’m certain it’s not the latter considering you don’t want them to know that it’s you…. I just answered my own question on the last one didn’t I?” She sighed and rubbed her face. She stayed quiet so Cole can explain his plans and what his goal was for his old home base.
“I want them dead.” Cole answered first, bitterness in his tone that eased as he continued, “I do have some things I’d like to retrieve. I don’t know if any of it will still be there but I’d like to check at least. I would also like to be able to visit. Maybe not openly but it’s where Graham and my mother are buried and where my father and everyone else I knew died. I don’t know what they did with any of them but now I have the chance to fix things, being able to go would be preferable. Pay my respects, at least.”
Sofila smiled softly. She… didn’t like the idea of paying respects to Trevor but the his mother? Graham? Yea. She would be there if he allows her.
“Sounds like a plan. What’s the first step? If it’s unstable, wouldn’t the next several days be a good time to strike?”
“It’ll only get worse. We probably have a few weeks before the compound itself will be a warzone. It’s just making sure all of the Children of Mortis get cleared out so they can’t cause problems later instead of now. I’ll leave it an open field for them.”
He rubbed his cheek, scratching lightly against the stubble. “I need to get out there. See what’s going on and if they’re guarding the defences. We left weak points in and had them guarded. No one knew thats why those areas were guarded specifically for this kist. It should be easy to get in but we’d need to know rotations. What buildings are being used and what they have overall. One options would be to drop gas canisters in all the ventilation regulators of the primary buildings during the night, kill anyone who runs out. We could just go room by room but the longer we take the more oppurtunities to go wrong. Only issue is, those regulators locked down and funnily enough I don’t have the keys anymore. They’re all alarmed. Sliceable but… Kriff I’m gonna need to contact Ruka. Higher ups. Someone at least and get approval. People.”
Cole leaned back, mulling it over. It felt good in a strange way. This was familiar. It was what he knew in a backwards awful way.
Sofila listened. She wanted to relax but since they were here, might as well. She listened and remembered some training from Buir.
“Scouting first would be good, not by yourself. I’m not … exactly good at scouting but I can try if you allow me. You mentioned people. Do you want to make this a thing where anyone can just join to aid or do you rather keep it close? If close, who are you thinking about bringing? We need to make sure we have strengths to cover our weakness. A model of the base would be good, make it into a holoprojector with heads up that it may not be the same of course.” Sofila added. She started to fidget with her fingers.
“As for the gas canisters that’s a good idea. Can have someone who is good with sneaking and dropping them, but that’s the problem. Tag team for better chances. We need to be prepared in case they somehow get caught or for some reason, the base cannot be sneaked round.” She grimaced at the idea of the alarms. Then she realised that she doesn’t know anyone who was good at slicing machines. Kriff.
“Also need to be prepared in case they have gas masks and try to bring the battle to inside if we’re doing the gas cannisters bit.”
“There’s a lot of tall buildings near the compound so scouting is easier than it looks so long as its slow and steady.” Cole answered first, considering each question and query and working through them. “I’d want it close, maybe some normal soldiers but too many people and it’ll trigger other kriff likely. A full assault might lend to anyone else watching to send their forces in to try and take over the fight. It needs to be quiet. Savran would be useful, they’ve done kriff like this before. I.. don’t know anyone else who I would feel comfortable to ask personally.” A pause before he sighed, “A holoprojection will be easy enough of the overall area, just not the insides. I could try and flesh out those details but there will be aerial ones easy enough to pull simply because we never really hid where we were. Tag teams would have to be on timers. They miss their check in, they’re assumed captured or KIA and we group up to take that one ourselves after the others. Some will have gas masks but we don’t have to go in. Gas masks only have so much air and if they cant open windows or doors without someone shooting them, they can’t vent out the gas. They will either have to push out or try and escape via the roof but we could time the attack to be when there isn’t any air transport available on any of the buildings.”
He tapped his thigh, “It’ll be risky going to collect my things. Perhaps unnecessary.”
It didn’t feel unnecessary but on such a risky operation was it.. worth it? His heart hurt at the idea but it was a war between logic and heart.
“Ah. Yea, one step at a time. Talk to Ruka or Qyreia, see what they say.” Then she reached over and grabbed his hand gently and squeezed it.
“Don’t say that. It’s worth it. If we have to wait till it’s clear then we can. I know you are getting to know Foxen and Flyndt, but those two would be good as well, especially Flyndt’s stealth skills.” Then she sighed, “Only if you and they are interested.”
“I.. don’t have many options. If they’re up for it, at least I’ve met them and haven’t had hostile experiences.”
Cole wasn’t sure but as he said. Options were lacking for his personal relations.
“It shouldn’t take long I just.. it’s a risk. Unnecessarily so.” He sounded less certainly against it, but struggling. “We’ll see.”
Sofila smiled softly as she let go of his hand. She’ll do her damnest to make sure that he’ll be able to get them when the time comes. Either make it less of a risk or go barreling, one or the other.
“We can always meet up with them again. Just for basic stuff. Not… now but soon.”
Cole nodded, “We should, espeically if I’m going to ask for their aid. After I’ve spoken with Ruka. I’ll need his or the Shadow Lord’s sign off on doing this officially.”
Sofila nodded with a small grin, “Okay. I’ll text Foxen sometime this week, just not today, if that’s alright?”
“Sure.” Cole agreed, closing his eyes for a moment.
“He overheard us talking that morning. I didn’t know how to bring it up at the time but he… heard more than we realised.”
“He- oh.” She grimaced. Sofila doesn’t care mostly but Cole was a private person and that conversation was… honestly, meant for them.
“… Was it about the nightmares?” Sofila was trying to remember what they were talking about that morning.
“About me calling them stupid. Apparently he took offence to the way I voiced my frustration and wanted to make sure I didn’t think that nightmares and all the following effect were actually stupid. So, he heard most of the conversation.”
Cole clenched his jaw.
Sofila winced even more. Oh kriff. His jaw was tight. There was more than he was letting off. She scooted closer to him and was hesitated to touch him. Just… small ones. Her hand went to his cheek as she gently stroke his face before scratching his hair and running her fingers through. When she’s met with tangle, she carefully removes if possible and if he lets her.
“Cole. It’s completely one hundred percent fine with you not meeting them again. You get to choose who helps clear your old home too.”
“It would be stupid to not at least ask.” Cole noted, but relaxed slightly at her touch, instinctively leaning into her hand. He didn’t quite realise he was doing it but it was calming.
“They’re both skilled. If they’re willing then kriff, it’s not like we have to talk casually. Foxen talks business just fine, we can keep it that way.”
Cole had a good point. She smiled softly when he leaned into her hand as he always does and was more than happy to stroke his hair a bit longer. Until her arm gets tired at least.
“Yea. That works actually.” Her arm dropped and she leaned over to grab her datapad. “We… we haven’t watched a movie together in awhile. But there’s also dinner…” She frowned.
“I’m sort of not hungry,” admitted Sofila, wanted to give Cole a heads up and that maybe eating leftovers might be the best idea.
“Leftovers then. We have the take out still and some pasta left.” Cole confirmed, closing his eyes and not really with it as she kept scratching.
She usually didn’t keep going after a few moments and it felt like his brain was turning off.
“We can hang out..”
Sofila smiled. “Okay.” She stopped as she pulled away. Once she grabbed her datapad, she figured she should put on a Studio Ghibi movie they haven’t seen yet. Once she got it set up, she placed it on the coffee table for them to be able to see.
She slid back into her seat and got comfortable. She patted her legs. “Can use my thighs as a pillow.”
Cole remained in place as she got up and set up the movie, looking confused at the pat and then- oh.
“If you’re sure…” Skeptical, but curious, Cole shifted to follow the suggestion. It was comfortable, warm. Just, felt childish almost. He wasn’t entirely sure if it was too much weight if he relaxed, shifting to try and settle but not really… sure what he was doing.
“I’m sure. Come on, don’t worry. You seen the power of my thighs.” Sofila joked as she gently run her fingers through his hair and started to watch the movie. Her elbow was on the arm of the couch and she leaned her head on her hand.
Cole watched, from the weird view of being sideways. He was still settling a little but as her fingers made their way over his scalp it got easier. It felt nice.
Tingles.
Over time he settled in, despite the lack of confidence of what the kriff he was doing.
“Want me to get a pillow?” Sofila asked as she continue to run her fingers, sometimes just touching, other times adding scratches.
“Hm?” Cole looked up a little, confused but realising after a moment. Kriff, he hadn’t heard her initially.
“No, I’m alright. Are you?”
“Just wanted to make sure you’re comfortable,” Sofila grinned then nodded. “I am.” She said nothing else so she can watch the movie. Her fingers stroking his hair.
“Okay.” Cole nodded slightly, settling back down again.
He found himself paying less attention then he necessarily wanted to over the course of the movie but… There was a sense of contentment that was unusual. Calm. Not the stuffy, pressured calm of being that way. Of needing to be. Just… in the moment.
He still glanced across the room every now and then but it was odd. Not normal but comfortable.
It took a few moments before he shifted, realising the scratching had stopped and refocusing finally. Oh. The movie was over.
Cole shifted slightly, sitting up on his elbow then twisting to sit up properly, taking the stopping as a sign she wanted to get up.
Sofila blinked, he was moving? She removed her hand from his shoulder so he can get up.
“I thought you were asleep.”
“I wasn’t. Just… I don’t know exactly.” Cole shrugged, rubbing at one eye but clearly alert once more. That had been weird. He chuckled after.
“I don’t think we’re very good at both of us watching films at the same time.”
“Oh,” chuckled Sofila. She realised she had found something that would help him relax. Now, she’ll make sure she can do it when he wakes up from a nightmare, it might help soothe him back to sleep.
“No. I don’t think so.” She glanced over to her datapad. It was a shame. She… wasn’t really watching it either. She had a lot on her mind the last several hours.
“Cole.. at the Voidbreaker, you keep looking at doors as if someone was going to bust in, blasters blazing. Here… it’s so much better- I mean you look at the door less- but I was just wondering…” Sofila frowned, trying to figure out how to word this.
Cole looked to her, frowning slightly before looking away.
“Wondering…” He trailed off, prompting the rest of the sentence. “It’s okay, I’ve probably thought something along the lines of it before.”
It wasn’t like he wasn’t aware it was a kriffing problem. It was weird though, she was right. It was better here. The security was better, the thrum of the streets more familiar. He wasn’t surrounded by strangers who seemed to just scream threat to him.
“Well I - that’s just it. I don’t know. What’s on your mind, Cole? What… goes through your mind? I just- I am so kriffin’ grateful that it’s not so bad here, I really am. Because I started to feel-” No. This wasn’t about her. She inhaled softly to gather her thoughts.
“What’s your thought process?”
That was a good question. Cole rubbed the back of his neck.
“Checking. It’s not really a thought, Sof. I just check, to make sure nothing has changed. Back on the Voidbreaker… I don’t know. It was okay for a while but then…” He shook his head. “It’s instinct.”
“Doesn’t it cause unneeded stress?” Sofila frowned, wondering. She wished she knew and understood more of this so she could help him. Make a better argument even.
Cole nodded.
“It’s why I didn’t run.” A soft sigh escaped him, “I’ve gotten better since then. A lot. It’s kept me safe more than once too so…”
He trailed off, not really knowing where to take that being as an unwillingness to kick the habit probably wouldn’t go down well.
Oh. So it does cause stress. Sofila frowned, wondering how to talk about this. It can’t be a good habit. Or gut instinct. It’s harder especially if it had kept him safe more than once. She remembered the memory. The way he went back into the room.
She brought her hands up to her face and rubbed it gently.
“I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel healthy for you.” She seen how bad he had been. Especially when he lost his sight.
“Maybe.” Cole answered, shortly but honestly.
“Hard to judge when it’s worked. It also hasn’t and it’s caused it’s own problems but whats a few nights of sleep in comparison to my life.” He paused, before continuing more quietly, “I’m looking into it. I know it’s paranoia and I know most of it is illogical. Some days are worse than others but considering the only thing you’re worried about is me looking at doors I must have been managing well most of the time. I’ve been looking into things. Therapy. Not sure when I will but it’s an option on the table if I work out what the kriff to even ask. I’m not sure how it works.”
Sofila brows were uplifted in surprise. He… was seeking help? She reached over and placed her hand on his cheek.
“I’m so proud of you. That’s… not easy.” She would know. They had a few snappy moments. He took this better than she did. She wanted to kiss him but after that stunt… no. She wasn’t going to make the first move. Sofila cleared her throat and lowered her hand. This was good. Both of them getting better. If she wasn’t so kriffin’ tired, she would be excited at the thought of what future brings for them.
He couldn’t speak for a moment. Her hand on his cheek had been sweet, leaning into her touch on instinct and shifting closer as if it withdrew but…
She was proud of him. Just for.. considering help. He hadn’t even booked anything why… and yet he still felt his throat close. Words trapped in place. Cole didn’t understand why but it rocked him to the core. It was so unexpected and he didn’t even know how he was reacting exactly. Was this upset? Or…
His eyes burned so with words failing and teetering on the edge of pitiful, he slipped an arm around her and tucked his face onto her shoulder. A level of privacy but still connecting.
An arm slipped around her and his face buried into her shoulder. Her brows furrowed in concern. Did… she say something wrong? Then it clicked. If Cole had said that to her….
Kriff.
He needed this. Her arm wrapped around him and pulled him close as she held him.
“I’m very proud of you. You are making strides. I cannot wait to see how much further you’ll go.”
Cole shifted with her. Kark.
His shoulders shook slightly, managing to keep the outright reaction in but kriff. That- This was stupid. It was just words why was he reacting like a child but he played the words again in his head and it was like being hit with the same brick all over again. It was hard to keep his breathing steady.
He cleared his throat, trying to keep some semblance that this wasn’t setting him off. “I haven’t done anything.”
There was more to say, more reasons but they died before they made it to his lips. He’d fought so long for approval. For… this. Was this really enough? Surely not, he’d gotten better before. Cole had tried new things before he’d done so much before and never… So why now? It didn’t make sense.
“It’s a start. One step at a time remember?” She kissed the side of Cole’s head gently and started to softly scratch his back.
“It’s like… learning to walk. We’ll fumble. Have to try several times. Get back up. Keep going. Then we’ll start walking and it’ll become natural. You are taking the first step. And Cole-” She pulled back enough and moved her arm to hold his face in her hands, she stared into his eyes.
“You are so strong. You are so smart. I am proud of you. And I love you.”
He was holding it together. Holding the full reaction in. Tears welled but Cole closed his eyes, turning his head toward her hand to kiss her palm. It didn’t hide the slight shake to his hands or the fact he didn’t respond.
You did well.
It was the words he’d fought to hear rarely ever did. This felt like too much for too little. Kriff. How could she just… Yet Sofila spoke how she always did. This wasn’t any different then just her being her. It was true and that stuttered hesistation to believe made it as difficult to hold the pieces together as anything else.
Sofila smiled at his soft kiss and gently wrapped her arms around him again and pulled him close to her again. Her fingers gently run though his hair.
She just hoped that he wasn’t shoving everything down.
Because she, out of all people, knew that’s unhealthy.
Because I do it too.
Her brows furrowed as she started to pay more attention. Something was wrong. His hands were shaking. She hasn’t felt that since- Oh. Kriff. When he lost his vision. Was he-
“Cole, don’t bury it. You’re safe here with me.”
Cole inhaled sharply but shook his head. He didn’t want to it was stupid. It was pathetic. It was weak and childish. An overreaction to her just caring. It shouldn’t do this to him.
He was in her arms.
Kark. Cole pressed his face down again, into her shoulder and hoping that the few tears that were escaping dried before they wetted her shirt. Before she knew. Yet it was like a dam had broken, cracked piece by piece and while he didn’t fall apart at the seams, there wasn’t any holding it back.
Cole held her, muttering with an almost desperate edge to his voice, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m- This. Thank you.”
The proper response but it was too late and he’d karked it up but it felt nice to be held. To know she’d still be there when he finally pulled himself back together again.
“Don’t apologize cyar'ika…” Sofila murmured, her brows furrowed but she said nothing else. She was rubbing his back gently with one hand and the other stroking his hair softly. Slowly, she started to move to the side and back, aimed for her to rest on the couch on her back with Cole on top so she could hold him more properly and he can bury his face in her as well if he doesn’t want her to see him cry. She wanted to say more supportive things but sometimes, words aren’t needed.
It’s important that she’s here and for him to know that.
Cole shifted, hesistant. It felt.. pathetic but then why did it feel better?
He settled in, shoulders shaking on occassion but choking any noises. The tears refused to give way but she was there.
When it finally started to calm, he didn’t know what to say still even now he could speak. Cole just shifted, sniffing a little and trying to settle less… melting into her-y. The arm that had ended up across her shifted to hold her hand instead, pulling it off him to do so but interlacing their fingers.
Sofila felt his breathing was getting steady. But he didn’t cry. She wasn’t going to push it. Not now. He made huge progress and she can’t expect him to do it all right now.
Cole started to shift on her and grabbed her hand as she gave him a small smile. She interlaced their fingers and kissed him gently on the head.
He squeezed her hand. When Cole spoke his voice was slightly hoarse, “How the kriff do you do this to me..”
“Get my guard down.”
Oh. Oh. Kark. How was she suppose to respond to that? She knew what he meant. Somehow, Cole just gets her and slipped under her skin. And she doesn’t know how he did it. The little things, as if he just knows. And her feeling so safe and protected around him. He made her feel she could be herself around him.
She even felt beautiful with him.
Sofila squeezed his hand gently before placing another kiss on his head.
He closed his eyes for a moment before tilting his head up, meeting her lips. This was right. Not forced or cold or angry. Slow.
Together.
Sofila was slightly surprised but she leaned down and returned the kiss more comfortably.
Cole shifted on his elbow, up, to try and even things out. Leaning over Sofila and pulling away after a few moments to settle down again.
Sofila felt her cheeks growing warm when he propped himself up to lean over her.
Then he stopped.
She pouted and let out a small playful whine.
Confused, Cole peered at her.
“Hm?”
Oh. Okay. Sofila hummed for a moment as she squeezed his hand and slightly shook her head. She wasn’t going to jump on him especially if it’s not on his mind.
“It’s nothing. We… should get dinner, yea?” Sofila grinned at Cole.
“Yeah, probably. You feeling hungry this time or more leftovers?” He asked, still speaking softyl. His eyes were also still slightly red, though better already.
“I am… actually. But I am fine with leftovers if you are not hungry,” Sofila reassured as she used her free hand to gently scratch his back and going up to his hair and give gentle scratches.
“I could eat, I’ll just have a smaller portion.” Cole mused, leaning into her hand for a moment before blinking and shifting to get up. Really they shouldn’t have been sat here like this for so long but she’d… He hadn’t expected her to say what she had.
It shouldnt have effected him like that anyway but kriff it… Move on Cole-
Once he’d found a way to get up without using her to do that.
“I’ll throw something together. Want to watch? Might be able to teach you some things so you can cook for yourself too and won’t have to eat out as much.”
Sofila smiled, “Yea, I would love to watch.” Though she wasn’t sure if she would actually retain anything. She just wanted to watch him enjoy himself. Once they both got up from the couch she stretched first, hands to the ceiling and stood on tippy-toes.
They headed to the kitchen and Sofila hopped to sit on the island to watch Cole. Hopefully, he wouldn’t need the island.. he can always tell her to move or get off.
There was enough counter space to make do without the island. Cole pulled out the ingredients, standing so what he was doing was visible to Sofila as he prepared them.
“Its just stir fry so should be.. pretty easy. You’ve got to cut everything pretty small, especially the meat or it won’t all be done cooking at the same time.”
It was a little awkward cutting things from an angle, but he still use proper technique, pinching the base of the blade where it met the handle.
Sofila watched Cole as she leaned over then she decided something. She hopped down from the island and hopped up to sit at the end of the counter, and her back rested against the fridge. He still had the plenty counter space and now she’s able to watch him.
He noted the movements, turning slightly to watch but realising what the shift. Cole straightened, smiling slightly. This was easier.
It didn’t take long to make the meal, Cole occassionally pointing out basic safety tips and how to tell when things were done. Soon enough he was plating it up, just enough for the both of them to eat well.
“That does seem pretty simple!” Sofila chimed in, but there was a hint of worry on her face.
“I’m still worried I’m going to burn down this apartment…”
“You’re more likely to burn yourself which is also bad. You just add less oil than you think you need at first and then build up. Like running, you don’t go for a full sprint first, you build up into it usually.” He said the word usually very pointedly.
“Just don’t put it in water if it does ever catch fire. Take it off the heat, put it on the floor, in the sink, anywhere that is dry and not currently heated and cover it. Heavy towel would work.”
Sofila grimaced when he brought up the fact that she was more likely burn herself. That… was something she never wanted to happen to her again. Even though blaster burns act almost the same.
It sucks.
She zoned out when Cole gave her saftey tips of what to do if something oil was on fire. When she realized she zoned out, “Right. Heavy towel can work.” She repeated the last one to show him that she was somewhat paying attention.
“And what do you do first?”
Sofila winced when she was caught for not fully paying attention. She looked down at her plate and sighed.
“Sorry. Got distracted.”
“Off of the heat to somewhere dry.” Cole repeated, “Preferably metal but so long as it won’t melt or catch on fire too, it’s fine. Then the towel.”
He held out a fork to her.
“And it’s ok. That’s why I checked.”
Sofila playfully grumbled with a small smile and a nod.
“Thank you,” she grabbed the fork and hasn’t eaten yet. “How did you know?” Sofila was curious. Maybe she should work on her facial expression if it was that noticable.
“You weren’t looking at anything.” Cole started, turning in place with his own plate, leaning back against the counter. “Your voice started off higher too, as if you were trying to remember something that hadn’t just happened.”
Sofila sighed and chuckled, “Guilty. It’s just… it’s weird. Sometimes I’m fine when talking about burns and other times I just… remember.” She started to pick at her food a bit before finally having a bite.
“You went through an awful thing. It makes sense it’d still bother you, even if its not all the time. Usually I’m fine with grenades but sometime’s I’ll hear an explosion in training or in combat and it’ll bother me.”
He gestured to his hip, where beneath the clothing was a large area of scar tissue Sofila was familiar with. It covered the area from his side down on his thigh, mostly silvered with age now but still blatantly scarred.
“And I wasn’t being betrayed by one of the people who was supposed to protect me. Just tell me next time, okay?”
Sofila eyes gazed down and she knew which one he meant.
Kriff. Kark. The list of people who she wants to bash into the grave was constantly getting longer. Problem was, she was certain ninety-nine percent of them was already in the grave. One of the memories she had seen, there was so many enemies he was killing. He may not even remember what happened besides the fact that it happened.
“Okay. I’ll try to develop that habit.. it would be good one to have right? Especially being a leader and that means I have to-” She groaned and leaned back. Her head hit the fridge with a small thump.
“Boring meetings. Oh no.”
“I doubt they’ll be that boring.” Cole took a bite of the food, content with how the meal came out at least. After a moment he continued, “You could try taking notes. Its what Graham always did. Not every word that’s said but the main points. Any important dates, people and such. He said it was always better than just sitting there listening and not moving.”
It felt awkward to suggest that, to talk about Graham but it was… easier somehow in this moment.
Kriff. Sofila really hoped that they weren’t be horribly boring but she wasn’t sure. Guess she’ll find out over time. She took a few bites while listening to Cole.
“That’s a good idea… I’ll try that.” Sofila was worried she’ll end up doodling but never know until you try.
Cole nodded, “Worth a shot.
He glanced over to her as she took a few bites, curious to her reaction. He’d cooked back at home plenty enough but never for anyone that wasn’t family.
Sofila continued to eat, not realizing how famish she was and the food was good so she was scoffing them down a bit faster. She noticed Cole’s look over to her as she stopped and look at him, mouth slightly full. She chewed a few times, swallowed, and then, “What?”
Cole had looked away on meeting her eyes, embarrassed slightly. It was a silly notion. He shook his head.
“Just wondering if you liked it but, well. I think I know.”
She was eating it after all. Kriff.
“Oh! Yes, I like it a lot.” Then she grinned and shook her head, setting the empty plate into the sink as she slid off. She felt bad for not complimenting his cooking. He was doing this all for her after all.
“You’re a really good cook, I’ve loved everything you’ve made so far.”
Cole smiled a touch sheepishly. He rubbed the back of his neck before continuing eating.
“I’m glad but it’s only two dishes.” He chuckled, “But thank you.”
“And it’s very good two dishes,” Sofila answered honestly.
“I -” She started and stopped. She was trying to figure out how to say this. “In the future- not now of course- especially if you aren’t ready for what I’m about to say.” She wanted to bring that out first so he didn’t feel like he had to.
She shrugged one shoulder, her head leaned towards it as she looked unconfident in asking him, “Maybe you could move in with me? Sometime?” Cole could be a man that rather have a place to go to away from her if he needed a breather for all she knows.
In the future?
Cole considered it for a moment. He didn’t need to decide now and that was a relief hut the offer was still… touching.
“I think I could. I’d have to leave my assignment with the Voidbreaker but.. Well. That would be a big change.”
Was he ready to move in with her? He liked it here but… well. He didn’t know.
Sofila gave a small nod and a reassuring smile and was by his side. She leaned down to peck him on the cheek before straightened up.
“No need to decide now. Just let me know when you are ready. You can always work for them, just living somewhere else.”
“Not exactly. You don’t have to be on the ship constantly but being present regularly is important.” Cole noted, “We’ll see.”
He finished the food and slipped the plate into the sink. He looked across to her, “Are.. you ready for me to live here? I know you don’t like living alone but this is a bit different to me living here.”
Sofila did her thinking hum for a moment before she stood in front of Cole, her arms rested on his shoulder, her hands intertwined behind his head.
“Yea. It’s not just for- it’s not because I don’t want to be alone and I don’t, I’m not going to lie to you about that. It’s just…. A next step for us, see how we do.” Then she had a cheesy grin on her face, “see if our string becomes thicker.”
He snorted softly, looping his arms around her waist and drawing her closer. She was right, it was a logical next step. Maybe a bit early but then then hadn’t exactly done anything slowly since they first met.
“I’ll look into it. It’ll be good to look.”
Sofila’s grin only got wider when he snorted. Perfect. Then she nodded when Cole said he’ll look into it. She leaned down her head to give him a peck on the lips and rested her forehead against his.
“Again, take your time if you wish. I respect your boundaries-” she grimaced, “Even though I somehow cross them sometimes…” Sofila muttered under her breath. First, the Force sense. Then the… whatever kriff happened this afternoon.
“You do. But you also try. You respect my space even though you’re very much the opposite about that kind of thing.” Cole murmured, looking into her eyes. “And the times you’ve crossed it thr most is because of something you can’t control. It isn’t like I’ve never overstepped bounds myself in different ways.”
In the things he’d said, more than anything.
Sofila moved her arms towards her a bit and her fingers gently stroke the back of his head. She gave him a small smile, “Yea. I just want you happy, you know? So I’m learning.”
It must be a relationship thing. To keep each other in check and not overstep. This was still new territory for her but they must be doing something right. She’s comfortable and happy around him. There was …. some hurtful moments but they both were learning and growing from it.
Sofila resisted the urge to kiss him, so she pulled away. To be away from temptation.
“Want a glass of whiskey to turn in the night with?” Sofila smiled as she turned to look at the cabinets and… tried to remember where the kriff the whiskey was stored. Maybe the fridge?
When she shifted away he released his hands, letting her go. It felt odd, for that to be it. Her words and that. It all felt odd. In a good way but… odd.
“Sure.” Cole saw her looking and opened the cupboard they’d put it all the booze in. He held the bottle toward her, “Do you want labels for the cupboards?”
It wasn’t mocking, a genuine suggestion. Itd save her time slamming through the cabinets and fridge every time she needed something. If it made it easier for her then why not.
Sofila saw Cole opened a cupboard and got the whiskey out. Oh. Well, that works. She started to hunt for the glasses.
“No - well - actually hm. No, give me … two weeks. And if I don’t improve where everything is, yea we can label! I think it’s just… you know. Everything is new.” Sofila grinned. “Nothing wrong with a bit of hide and seek.” She found the glasses and went to the freezer.
“Ice?”
Cole simply nodded to the labelling comment it made sense and it would be ideal for her to learn but they’d see.
“Just a little.” He responded to the second question, placing the bottle on the counter beside where she was standing.
“Okay.” She added the ice and heard clinking sounds of two ice cubes hitting the glass.
After she poured the whiskey, she made sure it was closed and handed one of the glass to Cole.
“You know, I never tried whiskey until that night.” She smirked, it was at the citadel, about a week before war.
“Really?” Cole questioned, surprised. Though from her smirk he doubted that was the only thing on her mind from that night.
Something clicked.
Oh kriff, earlier. The pout. It dawned on him how he’d been kissing her in that moment and Cole wanted to slap himself. That had been.. obvious. How had he missed it- oh well.
“Seems like you enjoyed it at least.”
Sofila grabbed hers after he took his.
“Yes, really. I’ve been trying mixed drinks but never had anything straight like that.”
Then she nodded, “Yea, it’s not so bad. A bit of a burn, but the after flavor… it almost feels old fashioned. Not sure if I’m explaining well?”
He sipped the whiskey while she talked, shrugging, “Its easier to sip and talk than other spirits straight. Its one of the few you’re meant to be able to enjoy without shooting it down or mixing it. More… professional maybe a better term.”
Cole was still internally facepalming but tucked that prior line of thought away for later.
“Mixed are usually sweeter, more palatable if you’re having a lot at once. I’m odd for being able to drink some of the things I can without much mixer… which I really ought to have warned you about at the festival.” Cole chuckled, “I didn’t expect you to just down it either though.”
Sofila rose her eyebrow on the last line. Professional?
“Come on. I don’t think we want to stand around all night.” Sofila tilted her head towards the living room and sat down on the love seat as Cole talked more. He brought up of his drink at the festival as she grimaced.
“Yea I… honestly did not expect that one. At all. Kriff.” then she realized something. “Wait, I should’ve got you a bottle of that instead…. hmmm. Kark. I don’t remember the name.” Sofila grumbled as she placed the whiskey down after having a sip and went to get her datapad to see if she can find out what drink that was so she could get it for Cole.
“I’m not sure. It was mixed with something else too, I’m not sure id want it entirely straight myself.” Cole spoke dismissively, following her through and settling back onto the love seat beside her.
“You don’t need to track it down, to be direct Sofila.” Cole added on toward her back as she started the hunt for her data pad.
Sofila turned to look at Cole with a small pout. Then the gears started to turn.
“Okay, how about this instead-” she slightly did a devious grin, “Tell me your favorite whiskey.”
“Tevraki but it goes down far smoother than the others generally do. I’d be careful with it if I were you.” Cole raised an eyebrow, sipping his drink.
“You regretted how much of the easy stuff you drank at the festival.”
Sofila made a note on her datapad on Tevraki Whiskey. Something for her to remember later. She turned it off and set it aside whilist grabbing her whiskey.
She grimaced before looking over to the shelves that was on the wall in front of them and there, the alochol drinks.
“I don’t know. I had fun… though I did get a bit too far and I am sorry. I need to learn to… control a bit. I just wanted to try them all.”
“I know.” Cole responded, “You’ve not drank much have you?”
Sofila shook her head. “Nope. Started… I would say about six-seven months ago? A few weeks before we met the very first time actually.”
Sofila shrugged.
“I never had much interest to do it around family. It was there when I was old enough, I just didn’t care… but then I started to get curious. Explore more. Maybe a bit too much,” she laughed.
“You’ll learn your limits.” Cole chuckled, “You’ve also got to build your tolerance to it. It’ll come with time. I’ve been at it for a while now, inconsistently but enough to keep up.”
Sofila nodded. Tolerance. It was something she knew of because of pain.
“You can easily beat me when it comes to drinking, that’s for sure.” Sofila took another sip.
“It’s also why I bought some. For me to build up and for us to enjoy it now and then,” she grinned for a moment before her expression changed to more concerned.
“I’ll just have to keep myself in check. I don’t want to… be those people that constantly get drunk to-” She exhaled sharply before continuing, “Run away from problems.”
Cole looked at her seriously, “No. You don’t.”
She already hurt herself, kriff she’d kissed him to try and get him to stop holding her so she could continue hurting herself only earlier today. Never mind the actual physical running away from problems, seeking adrenaline highs ans danger just so she doesn’t have to think. It was uncomfortable. He moved his gaze down, toward his drink. Was it hypocritical of him to call her out on it when she’d found him with a pistol against his head? It.. he didn’t know. Cole had no idea the limits on what he could or couldn’t say and her reactions earlier.. kicking him.
He kept still, as he always did when he really wanted to shift away, or just move at all because of an awkward shift in tone. Cole just added on, in a softer less confident tone, “We can just drink to enjoy. Tolerance means it takes more to get you drunk, its good but knowing your limit and being able to stop is better.”
Sofila grimaced, “I know. That’s why I-” She stopped herself. She knew she needed to be careful how to word things. Kark. Why were words hard? She read so many books growing up and yet, here she was, slightly fumbling. Sofila glanced away and took a sip of the whiskey while she looked over at the shelves on the wall before them. It was partially empty. The rest of her books were in the boxes. She’ll have to take care of that tomorrow.
“As bad as this next part going to sound, I’m least concern about turning to alcohol.” She much rather go orbit jumping or climbing or something of the sorts than to feel sick and nauseous from the effects of the drinks.
“Well you already have other methods.” Cole muttered, avoiding her gaze in favour of his drink yet.
Part of him wanted to coil away but he held steady.
Sofila’s jaw tightened as she got up, made her way to the kitchen, downed the rest of the whiskey, and placed the glass in the sink after rinsed it out. That hurt. Kriff. She was trying.
Karking bastard, not like he’s perfect himself, what- She cut off her thoughts. No. She was not going to target him like that.
With a sharp exhale, she made her way through the living room and headed to the bedroom, if Cole doesn’t say anything.
“Did you ever talk to anyone about getting help?”
Shed said once that she would. Before they went to see Foxen. Before the mission. Shed taken him to a planet to prove she had her own dark secrets and it had felt like it was an excuse but shed said it wasn’t but….
Cole couldn’t keep watching her scratch at herself like that.
Sofila stopped in her tracks. But she doesn’t turn to look at him. She was trying to get a sense of what was going on. Why the shift? They were enjoying their foods and a drink and now… kriff. She wasn’t getting anything from him. This doesn’t surprise her, he had training all those years underneath that emotionless bast-
“Why don’t you say what’s really on your mind?”
“You dodged the question.” Cole stated, not lingering there though. She was asking. Sofila was already annoyed and hed already said the horrible thing.
“Any time anything happens the first thing you do is hurt yourself or put yourself in a situation where its highly likely to happen. For all you say the orbital jumping is safe and its the best way to get onto the front lines, its not because of that. I don’t know what to replace it with, kriff, you saw my answer to my life, but I’m not stupid either Sofila. I don’t want to hurt you but I don’t even have to.”
“It’s not just- I-” Sofila growled in frustration. Her arms crossed and her nails pressed against her skin but no digging. Just a slight pressure.
“It is safe. I’m focused when I’m in the air-” she protested, one of the things she loves, he disliked. Kriff. Now she wanted to go for a jump. What the kark does that say?
She started to chew her cheek and her eyes burned as she looked away.
“I can’t handle this right now,” her voice sounded like the edge of breaking point. She needed to move. Something. She made her way into the bedroom and Cole would hear the drawers sliding open as she started to get some clothes.
Cole moved to his feet, standing in the bedroom doorway.
“Why?” He wasn’t letting it go this time. He’d let it go because it was hypocritical but now she was going somewhere and Cole had a feeling he knew where. Or at least why itd be wherever it was. Danger. Alone. He crossed his arms.
“Because I can’t-” Sofila snapped and she stopped from saying anymore on the topic. She started to get undressed and started to put on her workout clothes. “I’m going for a run.”
“Of course you are.”
Sofila huffed angrily under her breath as she sat at the edge of the bed to slip her socks on. Then she got up and saw Cole was blocking the way.
“I said run, I’m not jumping.”
“What happens the day you can’t run?” Cole asked, his voice softening but not the steeled expression. It didn’t reveal much but it was harsh. Focussed.
He already knew the answer. It was exactly the reason he’d felt like a hypocrite for calling her out and the exact reason he kept doing so any way.
Sofila winced at the idea and shook her head. “It’s not going to happen,” she whispered.
“Let me go.” Her hands clench into fists, nails putting pressure on her palms.
“I never thought I’d want to shoot myself yet there i was when you walked in. If you hadn’t I wouldn’t be here.”
Cole clenched his jaw after, meeting her eyes finally. “Please.”
Sofila badly flinched and turned away. He didn’t but now she knows what that would’ve looked like if he did pull that trigger. The blood. Pieces of his - Oh suns. She felt physically ill.
‘Please.’ His voice. Kark. She turned to face him and his icy blue eyes met with hers. Her eyes burn again, she turned away and closed her eyelids, attempting to control her emotions. No.
“Cole, I need to go for a run- it’s better than hurting myself, because I happen to like pain. Now move.” Kriff, she can’t do this. Not here. Not now.
Not ever.
“And I need you.” Cole snapped, flinching from his own words immediately after but remaining resolutely in the doorway. She could move him if she wanted to. If she really needed to. But he.. no. He kept letting her do this already, with or without his presence. This had to stop.
“There has to be another way.”
Those words were like a jolt to her system. Her breath caught and her expression softened. A tear betrayed her and she wiped it away.
“There isn’t!” She sounded frustrated and more tears shed and she let a small sob. Without warning, she twisted her body away from him and yelled in anger, her Force exploded. The windows slightly rattled but remained in place. To Cole, it would’ve felt like being slightly pushed but it would not make him lose balance.
She fell to the ground in fetal position, her hands behind her neck and her face buried between her arms. Her nails started to dig at the back of her neck, underneath her hair.
Cole flinched, expecting worse from the blast. The last one had been Zxyl and it had knocked him back violently but this.. no.
She dropped down before curling up, immediately going to hurt herself again. He didn’t know what to do except to stop her. He kneeled behind her, trying to unlatch her fingers from her neck, to slip his hands underneath. Kriff, ideally she’d let him move around her with her arms and let him hold her just anything other than this. He felt sick.
Sofila felt a familiar touch and she tensed, her grip tightened. She shook her head for him to back off but he wouldn’t- kriff.
She straightened up, her hands removed from the back of her neck as she got her legs out from under her, sitting on her butt. Her arms went around him and tightly pull him in as she cried into his shirt.
Cole stiffened for a moment, unsure if this was going to be an attack or a distraction or something but she just clung to him and he relaxed.
He settled down, sitting slightly sideways and pulling her close with his arms around her.
“I’ve got you.” He mumbled. If that meant much.. it seemed to to her.
Sofila sobbed harder.
Her sobs had ceased a bit ago. There was a few sniffles. She felt so much more exhausted but at the same time, better.
“I don’t get it…” she mumbled, her voice still sounded croaky.
Cole was still sat there, holding her all the same. He’d done the right thing, he hoped. It felt right even if hurt to see her like that.
She spoke, finally, and his attention snapped back to the moment, looking down to thr top of her head.
“You don’t get what?”
Sofila remained calm. No tension in her muscles or body language. Though had loosen over time so she wouldn’t hold onto him too rough.
“Running’s healthy. I-” She frowned and shook her head softly.
“I’m sorry.”
“It is for your body…” He sighed, rubbing her back, “But its not.. you’re just pushing the problem under the adrenaline. Like I hide them by concealing my expression. I control to the point they’re not there but they come back. I’ve learned that in the last few years if nothing else.”
Sofila grimaced as she sighed. He… wasn’t wrong. With a long exhale, she snuggled up to him closer as she was enjoying the backrubs.
“I’m so tired…”
Cole slipped one arm under her bum and pulled her a bit closer so she was fully against him before settling again. He could sit like this for a little while longer, supporting her, before his core gave out.
“I know.”
Sofila moved as for a moment she thought that he was done but he was pulling her closer. She had no desire to protest. She sniffed again and stayed quiet. The sniffles was starting to annoy her so she slowly pulled away.
“I’m going to go wash my face.”
“Okay.” Cole moved his arms so she could get up.
Sofila grumbled for a moment, already missing his touch, before she got up and rubbed her nose with her shirt.
“Sorry about your shirt…” Sofila murmured as she made her way to the bathroom so she could wash her face and blow her kriffin nose. She felt embarrassed and ashamed for crying like that. She hated crying in front of anyone. She felt safe and less judged with Cole… but she still hated it. It made her feel weak. Too tired to dwell on it right now, she leaned over the sink and started to wash her face.
“You’re more important than a damned shirt.” Hed mumbled as she got up, sighing slightly before doing so himself.
Cole crossed over to the bed, sitting with his back on the headboard and trying to calm himself. Shed stayed. That was good. It still felt very odd. Everything did and kriff.. just. Kriff.
She came back in and he held his arm out for her to join him on the bed. It was getting late, hopefully Sofila wouldn’t still want to go run this late kn Ol'Val.
Sofila patted her face dry and straightened up to look in the mirror. She looked a bit better. She rotated her neck a bit for being so stiff from crying and grimaced at feeling small burning sensations. Her hand went to the back of her neck and she could feel the small scabs her nails left. With a sigh, she loosen her hair from the ponytail and let it fall to her shoulders. Sofila made sure to turn off the lights on the way to her bedroom and closed the door. She saw Cole’s outstretched arm and gave him a small smile along with a one moment finger. She got undressed and puts the clothes away while putting on a new pair of underwear and t-shirt. The Mirialan made her way over to the bed and happily placed herself in his arms.
‘I got you.’ His voice rang in her mind along with, ‘I need you.’ Sofila zoned out for a bit before she made movements in wanting to lay down and not sit up against the headboard. Cole followed as they both slipped under the sheets and blanket. Sofila wrapped her arm around his torso with her head on his pec.
“Thank you.”
Cole rested his chin on the top of her head, his arm wrapping around her shoulders and drawing her closer. He was settled on his back for now, they could shift again later.
She thanked him. He hummed slightly in confusion, “What for?”
What for? Kriff. There was so many. She didn’t even know where to begin.
“For always catching me when I fall. For saving me. For loving me.” She propped herself up with one arm by his side and the other arm rested on his chest. She scooted closer and kissed him softly on the lips.
Sofila pulled away and she made sure their eyes were met. She needed to be sure the message gets across, “For everything.”
“You loving me back is thanks enough. Despite what I am. Despite everything.” Cole murmured back, his hand tracing up her back.
He felt his eyes burn again but kriff he didn’t want to cry again. He supposed she didn’t either. What a mess they were. Cole leant up slightly, pressing his forehead against hers.
Sofila gave him a small smile. Kark. They been through so much. She leaned down a bit so he wouldn’t have to lean up too much for the forehead press as she kissed him softly again. She pulled back and shifted to scoot back down to where she originally was, resting on him.
She didn’t make it far before his grip tightened, rolling onto his side to close the gap and pressing into a kiss again. It was warm. Right.